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Tuesday, December 11, 2012

D Is For Disgrace

The first Christmas after the divorce, we (the X and I) decided to carry on the tradition together as before. He would sleep on the couch at my house, wake up in the morning, and watch the kids opening their Santa's presents.

It wasn't the best decision, or the best way to go as we were still in limbo with our situation, for he lives 300 hundreds away, and visiting the children wasn't an easy deal. Above all, I think we both were lost, body and soul, but determined to move on without damaging the kids too much. 22 years together weren't a short time to erase, so I thought!

Things went on without a problem. He came with us to my side of the family on Christmas Eve, and had supper too. Then after the children opened their Santa's presents the next morning, he announced: "I'm dating someone you both knew" looking at me and my daughter.

Once he mentioned the name, my daughter stormed out of the room because it was her friend's mother, and it was some one I used to crossed path daily at my daughter's school when I was a substitute teacher aid.

The pain and hurt of this news tore me apart, but I didn't know why it had such impact. We were divorced! Was it because it only took him 3 months after the divorce to see another person? Was it because I knew that person? Or was it the fact that he disgraced me in my own home or at a wrong time?

I never found the answer or reason, but whatever must happen, happened! We have to move on, body and soul..

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16 comments:

  1. It's so important to move on. I'm glad you knew that.

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  2. You are right in one regard. Life does go on in all situations. Anytime, children are involved, makes it much harder. He should have made his announcement at a different time or not do it at all. Sorry you and family are going through hard times during the holiday. I always enjoy your visit.

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  3. Letting go is not easy to do especially when our ego is so bruised ~ You seem to be moving forward ~ sending lots of healing hugs ~ life is the gift ~ now you can begin to choose what you want ~ great post for D ~

    (A Creative Harbor) aka, artmusedog and Carol ^_^
    ps. thanks for coming by ~ love to have you!

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  4. I think you were trying to appear normal and civil but divorce is much harder than that and hard feelings can not be denied. I too would have been seriously unable to act calm but the only answer is too move on. Don't try so hard to act like divorce is normal. It is painful for everyone and I think to move on you have accepted it and started making a new life for yourself and your daughter. Good for you.

    Blessings and wishing you happiness.
    Jeanne

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  5. i can feel the pain, and i too can't identify where it may be coming from if it were me, maybe a combination of all those, glad you moved on and strongly you did

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  6. YOU were not disgraced. He should have told you DISCREETLY at some other time, NOT in the presence of your child at the holiday.

    HA well there's that "J" post coming up down the line. J is for Jerk :)

    Hugs / Merry THIS Christmas season :)

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  7. If we only could remember, after a divorce
    we can do as we please.. but somewhere in
    our soul we don't want 'them' to do the same..
    Hope healing has entered your total being.
    good writing
    Happy Holidays
    sandy

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  8. I think he wanted to hurt you by telling you "after" Christmas that he was dating this woman. Wishing you grace and peace to move on from this person, who is the disgrace.

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  9. teary eyed and I don't know exactly what to say but in person I could stay beside you and just listen to let you know I care; you have moved on and I feel that you are a strong person who could surpass any challenge in life...a meaningful Christmas to you :)

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  10. Personally, I think it was because he felt like such a failure as he just couldn't commit to the time and energy needed to make the whole family thing work. It was you who had to take the initiative to move on after time after time of disappointment - (D is for disappointment too, and a failed marriage is a HUGE disappointment). He probably will never admit to failing, but had to show off that he was "recovering" and moved on to dating. Mind you dating is so simple compared to marriage. Hugs! You are well rid of the jerk, but he is stuck with him.

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  11. Not an easy situation, and I agree with JDaniel's Mom that his timing was off. Talk about insensitive.

    But you kept moving forward, and that's what counts.

    =)

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  12. I agree with Debra's and JDaniel's Mom's comments. I'm glad you moved on. You had a great attitude about it: "whatever must happen, happened."

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  13. What an insensitive, awful thing to happen.

    It's astonishing how something like that can hurt...especially when announced in such a despicable fashion.

    I'm sorry even now reading about this hurt.

    Sending a hug and a prayer that your life is much happier now.

    A+

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  14. The first post I've read today and has totally pinched my heart. I can feel the pain but we are all glad to know that you know-life has to move on. We have to. You've got our prayers and warm hugs.

    All the best,
    Scudds

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  15. You know what? Even if I didn't know you. If I were a man, or if my SO was the X. Why even my X, as much as he is arrogant, blunt, etc. He always shielded me from the unnecessary info even for years after we were divorced. They both would be 1) Smart enough to not get into a relationship that soon. 2) It would not have been with anyone my kids or I know 3) they would not have announced it at a family occasion.

    I hate to put down anyone without giving them some sort of benefit of a doubt, but this guy is a loser, stupid, and inhumane. That is why he behaved like an totally inconsiderate idiot.
    It is not about moving on or anything to do with you.

    ReplyDelete

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