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Sunday, August 5, 2012

Why Me?

I am a middle girl of seven girls in my family!

(I also have four brothers, but I won't talk about them in this post.)

Above me I have three older sisters, and below me I have three younger sisters!

My six sisters are all lucky, blessed with husbands and wealth!

I am a freaking handicapped, no husband, no job, no savings, and my house is about to collapse on my head.

I still didn't catch any break from God or from the universe or WHATEVER...

I am still doomed as ever!

Lately, I have been asking "why me" a lot, and get angry with my own destiny! Something that I haven't done since my teenager years when I tried to fit into society.

With an extra responsibility of running to my mom every week, I am depleted in every departments of life.

I think this is where my "why me" comes in to torture me.

Did I mention I'm freaking handicap, no job, no husband?

When I have to do what I have to do for my mom, no one is there to help me at my own home! So duty becomes heavier on my shoulders! So I cried "helloooo...I am handicapped, I am alone, I am not rich..." Why me?

I hate feeling "pitty patty" for myself and drained of energy!

I hate this feeling. I resent this thought. I am fine if left alone to deal with life. I don't want to cry wolf. I don't want to feel sorry for myself. I must get over this, and just move on with whatever it will be...

Bless you for READING!

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8 comments:

  1. Don't we all feel like this sometimes. Last week because the youngest lost his job and has a wife and baby, plus his m-i-l and b-i-l were staying for the month I decided to buy them just a few groceries and ended up spending nearly my entire pay check. His wife's hours have been cut down to 1 1/2 hours a day!! Really! But now how do I pay MY bills? I keep telling myself we cannot out give God and remembering an article my very good friend wrote about an inspiring young man who was born w/o limbs. So I have no money. I can work. I will get more. Blessings and prayers!! He will see us through.

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  2. I so appreicate that you are sharing this. I don't think it would be great to hold it all in.

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  3. Hello Mumsy,

    I, too, have lots to be mad about, but I choose to have faith strong enough to see me through all these. And the the solace and comfort I find at this time are through writing and photography. In between I pray and meditate.

    Hang in there!

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  4. I started making a comment five times, and didn't like any of them. I know it have to be so hard for you. I have often wondered how you could be as graceful and understanding as you are now with all of those horrible things you must endure. The most is being handicapped. Even with a cold, I feel not at my best, overly weak and unproductive, let alone one less capable leg.
    I will pray harder, more intensely for you. You deserve a lot of happiness and wealth physically and mentally.

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  5. We don't have to be strong all the time. If you feel like you must yell, then let it be- yell out loud.

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  6. that's a very beautiful picture, I hope and pray God will continue to give you strength, prayers for something beautiful to come your way.

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  7. I'm glad you share your feelings and hope you don't them eat you away! I pray that you find peace!

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  8. You deserve a lot more than you are getting, my friend. Opening up like this and sharing your thoughts is a very difficult thing to do. I commend you for that and wish you all the best. I do understand all your emotions because I go through them everyday, myself. I just wish I had the answers for both of us... Hugs xx

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