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Wednesday, April 11, 2012

U Is For Unconditional

We all heard that love is unconditional. That is just a beautiful concept, and a make believe. Not so. Not true. Not anything like that. It is just a fancy notion! There are plenty of hidden conditions we secretly put in a relationship, but it is universally understood and accepted.

Not too many people want to discuss these hidden conditions or expectations, but we all hope that our partner possesses some of these qualities to meet what we visualize. 


Love has to have condition!!!And this was told to me by a marriage counselor when I agreed to see this "quack" as the last resource to save my 22 years relationship, and my family. I asked him what condition should I put on the X when after work he went to his parents house to sit every day, while his children were waiting for him at home? The so-called Counselor dropped his jaw and asked the X: "You do that every day? How old are you?"

He then suggested me to write down the consequences for when the X violated my expectations. I didn't think that there should be a written condition on how a man, who was old enough to be a father of three, should behave! This was when I realized that my relationship was beyond repair, and I didn't want to be in a relationship with conditions and consequences!


This wacky marriage counselor made the word "love" sounded ugly and terrible. It was not what I thought of a loving relationship or believed it should be. I have no doubt that there are cases of extraordinary love, true to its meaning of unconditional love, and exceptionally special. They maybe rare, but do exist somewhere!

Over the years though, I tend to agree with him. We all have expectations, and conditions that put on relationship of all kinds, but we just don't go and write them down or talk it out loud. Thus, there is no such thing as unconditional love...

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20 comments:

  1. The only unconditional love that I believe in is the love of a parent for a child, but even it has it's limitations I suppose...

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  2. Your post is very thought provoking! I really don't know how I feel about marriage counselors as I have never been to one, but why your X would go to his parents house each day to sit after work is mind boggling :-)

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  3. I'd like to believe that love is unconditional. At least I would hope so. I love my kids no matter what crazy things they do.
    Sandy

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  4. One's unconditional love for a child is different from one's love for a spouse, for obvious reasons. Good post!!!

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  5. Unbelieveably true that love is not unconditional....

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  6. I feel as Rocky Mt Woman, our love spills over for our child and this love never wavers or dies..
    Now for a spouse it's all about passion in the beginning, that love usually dies after many years and turns into either not liking or a great respect...Funny how we keep our BFF's but can give up a spouse.
    Great Post
    Sandy

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  7. I know my parents seem to have an unconditional love for my brother; no matter what he does! As for my husband? We discuss our expectations and have from the beginning. It is one reason why I love him so much.

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  8. I agree! I just wrote a post on earning his love. You have to keep doing things to earn someone's love, like being kind, patient, accepting, forgiving, etc. You can't expect others to love you if you are mean, selfish, rude, etc!

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  9. Still believed in unconditional love ^_^

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  10. very meaningful post, yes, we should be sensitive to each other's expectations, sadly though, some people have not learned to see other's way, it's always "about me" and "i" "i" and "i".

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  11. What a wonderful thought provoking post! I am so sorry that your marriage didn't last.

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  12. Visiting from Alphabe-Thursday for the first time.
    Interesting post...

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  13. I have realized over the years that the love I have for my children is unconditional...not in the sense that I don't have expectations of and for them...but in the sense that I love them even when they don't meet those expectations.

    In my experience, mother love is visceral. It lives at the very core of me, housed in the same place as my spirit. I could not separate myself from that love if I tried.

    My husband, on the other hand, could do things that would destroy my feelings for him, but he would have to be a very different person than he is to go there.

    It's hard to believe a grown man would escape to his parents' home every day rather than spend time with his wife and children. It had to be nearly impossible to respect a man who made that choice.

    "/

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  14. The counselor sounds like he didn't really help build relationships up.

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  15. How peculiar that your husband spent so much time with his parents! I can see that would challenge the success of a marriage.

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  16. thought provoking post!
    The trouble may lie somewhat in the definition of the word "love." We use "love" for so many different feelings from the love of ice cream to the love of God.
    I believe that "loving" unconditionally is an ideal--something to strive for, but something that only God is capable of achieving at all moments.
    But love, even unconditional, doesn't mean putting up with bad behavior.

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  17. I think it's hard to fathom what true unconditional love might be. We all have conditions because we all have expectations and boundaries of some sort. For me, though, unconditional love means loving without expecting tit for tat...it does not mean that someone can abuse me and expect me to roll over and take it. In that respect, I think it's a do-able thing.

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  18. I think it's hard to fathom what true unconditional love might be. We all have conditions because we all have expectations and boundaries of some sort. For me, though, unconditional love means loving without expecting tit for tat...it does not mean that someone can abuse me and expect me to roll over and take it. In that respect, I think it's a do-able thing.

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  19. Yes, my love for my children is unconditional. I remember back in the 1980's during the AIDS epidemic there were stories about grown children dying and they would want to see their parents, but the parents wouldn't go to see them because they didn't approve of their lifestyle. I might not always agree with something my kids do, but I could never turn my back on them and withhold my love. I never understood that. They could be in prison for murder and I'd still love them. I might hate what they did, but I wouldn't hate them.

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  20. I agree that the only actual Unconditional love is between parent and child...

    There are cases of extraordinary love like you said but there are always standards we have in a relationship.

    This was such a Unique post for the letter "U"!

    Great job!

    A+

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