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Wednesday, February 22, 2012

N Is For Negativity

Growing up as a handicapped person, my life was surrounded with negativity and it was mostly verbal. Never did it occur to me how damaging and poisonous words could do to one's soul. When the adults in my life constantly told me that I would grow up a beggar, a whore, a useless person, an unworthy human to be loved, my mind molded itself along this line.


I couldn't bring my drooping and sagging head up to look at the world. My brain believed that I was truly a discarded item. Thus, the tug and pull between what I was or who I was residing as a heavy burden in my own soul.

I knew in my heart that my family loved me but it was the wrong kind of love to bring me up in such a degrading notion, and it destroyed my sanity. Physical abuse was one thing my body endured and healed. However, mental and verbal abuses stayed to manifest in my soul for years afterward.


I went through my teenager years concocting ways of suicidal, hid myself in a room, separated myself from the living, and depressed with the negative demon inside. Writing saved me as I could hide behind words, build fantasy, and drown in the world of my own imagination. No one needed to see me or know who I really was.

In its true sense, writing was an actual vehicle that drove me out of the ruin and rubble. It fueled my confident, it fed me the love that I craved for, even though it was just in my head, and it led me into a better path than all the negativity that surrounded my entire life. With writing, I re-created my world, my life, and my worth.

I became somebody behind the words I weaved, the story I wrote, and the poems of beautiful love. It was through writing that I shed layers and layers of negativity one bit at a time, and started to see myself as a capable person rather than what I was told I would be.

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12 comments:

  1. I'm so glad that writing has improved your life so much. Keep on writing!

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  2. Your triumph over negativity is a heart warming story. I hope you can help others through their dark days with your experience.

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  3. I am so glad you found a way to release all that you have been through.

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  4. "I became somebody behind the words I weaved, the story I wrote, and the poems of beautiful love. It was through writing that I shed layers and layers of negativity one bit at a time, and started to see myself as a capable person rather than what I was told I would be.
    "-- you made me teary eyed here mumsy, I am so happy for your you, and admire the strength of your character, I am glad you found an outlet to release those negativities directed at you and you did not let them crash you.

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  5. Negativity is one of my least favorite things in this world.... not that anyone likes it really! It's great that you were able to take the negative in your life and make something positive from it. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger is how the saying goes and it's true! Keep writing:-)

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  6. So glad that you found ways to shed the poisonous negativity that you experienced. Everyone needs outlets through which to find optimism, hope, confidence, courage and light! Sounds like you found a good one! Yay!!

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  7. Painting does the same for me as writing for you. It was a positive reward early in my life and eventually became my ticket out of my rubble. Hurray for the overcomers! xo Jenny

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  8. I feel the same way about writing (and reading also). Even though my childhood was very happy, I still escaped with books and writing.

    You are a strong woman and an example to everyone who knows you!

    xxoo,

    RMW

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  9. Keep on writing you have the talent many don't have. You know how to weave words and you inspired me to do more good to others and be patient to those who are negative in their life.

    Hugs,
    Mary, MI

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  10. Writing is a healing force, isn't it? I'm glad that it has helped heal the wounds of your childhood.

    =)

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  11. Writing is extremely therapeutic--that's why I love blogging so much.

    No one should ever be told that they're an unworthy person. That's horrible! I'm glad you rose above the negativity that was given to you!

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  12. Negativity is a very poisonous thing...

    Constantly hearing Negative things about yourself wires your brain into believing those things...

    I am so happy that you were able to shed away the Negative image of yourself through writing...

    Because Now you see the wonderful person you always were...

    Neat post for the letter "N"!

    Thank you for linking.

    A+

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