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Wednesday, November 30, 2011

D Is For Disdaining

My destiny was set for me since I was only eight months old, but somehow I had a hand in turning it into a more productive and manageable life. Many people projected that I would be a beggar on the street, just because I had one imperfect leg and I was chosen. I learned to do many different things for myself. Despite their belief, I proved to them that I was capable of doing what I could do.

This, however was not enough for me to change the way they perceived my worth, and often got disdained or tossed aside without a care of how hurtful it was for me to experience. I was disregarded with lesser respect than a garbage bin. Even though I did not seek for approval from their shallow mind, it was painful to feel so invisible, and got stumped on time after time.

The most agonizing period in my life was when an acquaintance of my father played match-maker for my sisters. One was 19, and the other was 13. I was the 17 years old invalid middle girl that didn't even exist in his eyes. He could look at me straight in the face, but couldn't see me, and ignored me completely as if I was a ghost.

No, I was not jealous with my sisters, but I was disgusted with this man on his behavior! He would find single men to bring over to our house, and introduced them to my sisters even if I sat tall like a mountain in between the girls. He skipped over me without a glance of acknowledgement. I understood the prospect of finding a mate for my older sister, but disregarding me to jump to my 13 years old sister was totally inappropriate and insulting.

Working through this period of unworthy and hurtful feelings was the toughest time during my teenager years when people continued to despise my human being, and I desperately had to find ways to crawl out of the deep dark hole. I held a grudge over this man's head till this day when I saw him on occasion at family reunion. Yup, I did exactly what he did to me, looked at him straight in the face, said no single word, and ignored his presence without even an acknowledgement of courtesy.

Maybe I was not a bigger person than he was, but I wanted him to feel what it was like to be disdained, disrespected and dismissed. He showed no compassion toward me, therefore, the favor was returned mercilessly!

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  1. How sad that he treated you so badly. It's so hard to forgive such people, isn't it? I sincerely hope that one day you will forgive him, however, because your strong dislike of him will hurt YOUR health, not his. I hate thinking you are hurting yourself.

  2. I can understand your resentment Mumsy. There is nothing worse than being overlooked as though you don't even EXIST.

  3. The word discusting comes to mind also...

  4. Your pain makes me sad. Your photos are beautiful and I'm happy that you have an outlet for expressing those raw thoughts and feelings.

  5. Some hurts are hard to forget, but I hoped you moved on after that family reunion.

  6. Mumsy, I agree with EG... it's hard to forgive such a heartless man, but doing so (like your writing and sharing) will set you free. Your wet leaf photos are delightful to behold.

  7. He should have thought more about how this would make you feel.

  8. I am like you in some ways. If I think someone has done injustice, I really hope he will have a taste of his own medicine. It is only right, karma should be right in place. Who is this fool anyways?

  9. My first thought was that he must have been very ignorant. I'm sorry no one spoke up for you at the time.

  10. I am sorry you were treated like that, but let me assure you that you have immeasurable worth and value! Blessings, Esther Joy

  11. How anyone could treat a lovely person like you with disdain is totally beyond me.

    Actually, I don't get that emotion at all. It is so disrespectful and seems to really show the true heart of a person when they act like that.

    You know I always wish I could give you a hug when I read your links...this week is no exception!

    I think you're amazing!


  12. Mumsy, this is so wrong. Your feelings and mind were intact, just because you have a slight imperfection in your leg. You have so much more that is beautiful and worthwhile that any many would have been truly blessed to have you as his wife.

  13. I think he was so wrong. Then why did he do that? Maybe he held a huge guilt that he had been the cause and was too ashamed to admit his feelings. Just a thought. Humans are strange, animals
    act better.
    Be well Darling Lady.



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