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Wednesday, November 30, 2011

D Is For Disdaining

My destiny was set for me since I was only eight months old, but somehow I had a hand in turning it into a more productive and manageable life. Many people projected that I would be a beggar on the street, just because I had one imperfect leg and I was chosen. I learned to do many different things for myself. Despite their belief, I proved to them that I was capable of doing what I could do.

This, however was not enough for me to change the way they perceived my worth, and often got disdained or tossed aside without a care of how hurtful it was for me to experience. I was disregarded with lesser respect than a garbage bin. Even though I did not seek for approval from their shallow mind, it was painful to feel so invisible, and got stumped on time after time.


The most agonizing period in my life was when an acquaintance of my father played match-maker for my sisters. One was 19, and the other was 13. I was the 17 years old invalid middle girl that didn't even exist in his eyes. He could look at me straight in the face, but couldn't see me, and ignored me completely as if I was a ghost.

No, I was not jealous with my sisters, but I was disgusted with this man on his behavior! He would find single men to bring over to our house, and introduced them to my sisters even if I sat tall like a mountain in between the girls. He skipped over me without a glance of acknowledgement. I understood the prospect of finding a mate for my older sister, but disregarding me to jump to my 13 years old sister was totally inappropriate and insulting.


Working through this period of unworthy and hurtful feelings was the toughest time during my teenager years when people continued to despise my human being, and I desperately had to find ways to crawl out of the deep dark hole. I held a grudge over this man's head till this day when I saw him on occasion at family reunion. Yup, I did exactly what he did to me, looked at him straight in the face, said no single word, and ignored his presence without even an acknowledgement of courtesy.

Maybe I was not a bigger person than he was, but I wanted him to feel what it was like to be disdained, disrespected and dismissed. He showed no compassion toward me, therefore, the favor was returned mercilessly!

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Monday, November 28, 2011

July's Wind

July marked the beginning of changes. The wind stirred from Southern California and found its way to the North. Though the changes have been expected for quite a while, its sudden arrival still brought uncertainty and discomfort.

The flock of fairies have been talking, planning, advising, preparing, and getting everything ready to submerge with the changes.

But July's wind was a strong force of nature that no one could have been prepared enough for. Lives turned up-side-down. Love dried up. Endurance became the most precious resource to drill on. And silent, silent was golden, as a rule.

Mother Fairy has arrived to claim her power!

She had no care on what life she crushed, or toes she stepped on, or the damages afterward. Mother Fairy reigned in all her glory. She knew for sure that her flock of fairies would not dare to challenge her authority. It was the way it had been for a very long time. It was the natural law in which she entitled.

The attention, affection, and conversation had to be all about her. Anything else or any one else would cause  a riot. July's wind arrived, bringing with it the emotional turmoil and doomed spirit forever. She ruled!

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Fables and Fairies

A collection of story writing series using ambiguous language, and metamorphosis figures to avoid reality confrontation or hurtfulness.

*************************

--July's Wind (Chapter 1)

--Mother Fairy (Chapter 2)

--A New Chapter (Chapter 3)

--The Saga Continues (Chapter 4)

--Sleeping Over (Chapter 5)

--A Predicament Web (Chapter 6)

--The Consequence Of a Protected Bubble (Chapter 7)

--Changes In the Moon (Chapter 8)

--Moving Stones (Chapter 9)

--The Contradiction Tug (Chapter 10)

--The Unconventional Theory (Chapter 11)

--The Way It Was and Is (Chapter 12)

--Generations' Curse (Chapter 13)

--Misery Loves Companies (Chapter 14)

--She Talks (Chapter 15)

--She Prays (Chapter 16)

--The Copycat Symptom (Chapter 17)






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Friday, November 25, 2011

Pink Camellia Flower

Pink Camellia

To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe.
- Anatole France

Inside the Flower

Great changes may not happen right away, but with effort even the difficult may become easy.
- Bill Blackman

Macro of the Heart of Camellia

Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish. A little knowledge that acts is worth infinitely more than much knowledge that is idle.
- John Quincy Adams

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Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Thanksgiving Gather

A basket of fruits

A tray of fresh vegetables
~Happy Thanksgiving 2011~

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Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Manage Your Picture Storage Space On Blogger

Do you know that Blogger allows you only a limited picture storage space? I didn't know that until I read it on other blog, and in Blogger's forum. I used to upload my photos in their own original sizes, but since I don't want to pay extra money to upgrade my picture storage space; I have to go in my Picasa account and resize all my photos.


It was a tedious job, and it took me a couple of days, but I got all my pictures resized! The allowed storage space for photos in Blogger is 1024 MB. If you go over this limit, you will have to buy more storage space. It required a technology lawyer to understand all the small print or terms and conditions that they imposed.

According to the forum conversation, if you resize your horizontal photo to 800 by 600, and your vertical photo to 600 by 800, then this won't count against your storage space. Well, at least it would take a long time for you to reach that point if you plan on blogging.

All you have to do is using your photo editor and adjust the height or width of your pictures to 800 by 600, or vice versa. Save them before uploading them on to your post.


The best advantages for smaller size photos are below:
  1. The photos will load much faster on to your blogger account.
  2. Your blog overall will also load much quicker, which means your viewers will not close out your page for waiting too long
  3. You will save money from having to upgrade
  4. Loading time and bounce rate counted in your Alexa ranking, and also in your Google Analytics
  5. Preserve your photo storage space for future posts
I hope you find this helpful!

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Friday, November 18, 2011

When Nature Sings

Glorious Zinnia

The morning of life is like the dawn of a day, full of purity, visions, and harmony.
- Chateubriand

A Bouquet of Zinnia

Each season has its joys to treasure, to lift one's spirits and bring
us pleasure.
- Unknown

Then Nature Sings

Stop every now and then. Just stop and enjoy. Take a deep
breath. Relax and take in the abundance of life.
- Unknown

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Wednesday, November 16, 2011

C Is For Chosen

I was chosen, not by my own choice, to be the less unfortunate one out of two. It was decided by a mighty invisible hand from above, and my destiny was set. Not even the doctor, who administered the injection into my body, knew of the outcome. How could he? Two little sick girls were brought to him for treatment, and he gave them both the same dose of medicine.

One returned home fine, but one lost her physical ability to function. So, the later girl was me, and I was chosen. Mama said I had to carry the cross for my siblings, ten of them! That was too heavy, I told mama, and why me? What was the purpose of my life then? To feel sad, to envy, to be mad, to wish and dream of a different life other than the one that was handed to me? What was the reason to be the less unfortunate?


There were so many times that I wished it wasn't me, and that I wasn't a handicapped. My life would have turned out differently if my right leg was normal. Admitted, a girl with a beautiful face, perfect body was most likely falling in high society, and had more choices than one with lesser appeal. Hearing people said that you were beautiful and then got dismissed as quickly as the words left their mouth, was more like rubbing salt into an open wound.

Many times people told me that I was stronger than a perfectly normal human form, and usually that statement turned my inside out. My determination to do what people thought I couldn't do, and my spirit to show them that I was not completely an invalid often gave them that prickly impression. It was all right, but still there was some bitter sweet under that affectionate comparison.


During my teenager years, I dreamed of being normal, to dance, to run, to ride bicycle, and to wear high heel shoes.  I watched other girls prancing with ease and wished for that simple joy of being free from my own body imprisonment. But I was chosen! The card on my hands was less than desirable, so I had to play it with the best of my ability.

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Friday, November 11, 2011

Pink Mum Buds Still Growing

Gorgeous Pink Mum Buds

If you ever want to know what flowers to plant and have flowers from late summer to late autumn, make a trip to the cemetery. Seriously, you will see the flowers that were still blooming, or still coming out in the open space of the cemetery.

Mum Buds Are Still Coming

I saw this beautiful pink mum buds at the cemetery, growing strong, and shining in the sun light. Nothing were damaged on both the leaves and budding, even after days of freezing cold rain. They were growing, and they would bloom until the first frost.

Pink Mums
Growing right next to these beautiful pink mum buds were the fancy white Shasta daisy! I didn't have time to explore the cemetery since I came with my mom. She told me to take the pictures, and I did. Not much of my soul was in these photos as you can see. I need to be by myself when I take pictures.

Joining Weekend FlowersPink Saturday, I Heart Macro, and Today Flowers!

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Wednesday, November 9, 2011

B Is For Beauty

Growing up I always know that I had a beautiful face, and got attention very easily. The compliment was very flattering and built up for pride, only a second later I was thrown in a deep dark hole: "too bad she is a handicapped!"

I was forced to learn that having a beautiful face with an imperfect body meant nothing in this world. Face and body had to be in accepting terms of society expectation! Having a perfect 10 body with an ugly looking face was useless, and vice versa!

I was chosen to experience this concept all through my life, and reluctant to bare the truth to my admirers. When I sat still at one spot, I listened to the boys ooh aah on how pretty I was, or heard adults commented on my good looking features, I remained seated until they were all gone.

I didn't have the courage to stand up and walked away to show them my wobbling legs! The harsh reality would be like a stiff smack to my face. I hid my imperfection with these total strangers, and embarrassed with my own handicapped. In a way, I needed to feel some affection to know my worth.

Going into adulthood, I carried this torment when someone looked at me with a slight adoring facial expression. I worried that the person would replace that look for a pity one or worst yet a regretful one. My beauty didn't bring me joy but rather a condemnation. That first impression always brought out the foolishness in people.

Now, I am at the point in life when someone looks at me, I stand right up and start walking to show my handicapped straight away. I don't like to see their disappointment or pity look. Sure, I do feel robbed some time, but it is what it is, and I am who I am.

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Flower Bulbs Enhance the Beauty in Your Yard

This post brought to you by Bulbs. Dig, Drop, Done.. All opinions are 100% mine.

Marcy is a lady that I can identify with, although I can't say that I'm a supermom like her,  I like everything simple from cooking to gardening, to tricks and tips. I always feel as if I'm running out of time to do other things if it is complicated. I love bulb flowers. My favorite is the hyacinth for their varieties of colors and their heavenly smell.

Just as soon as the snow melted, I'm looking forward to planting some new bulbs in my garden. They are the easiest to grow, provide many years of enjoyment and beauty. At the moment, you can submit a photo of your garden in the contest "Bulbs.Dig.Drop. Done", and enter to win a $5000 yard makeover at Curbside Chaos.

Monday, November 7, 2011

Medicaid Equals Nightmare When You Need Services

Sifting through a list of phone numbers from the computer screen, I made calls after calls trying in vain to find a dentist to take my mother to. She needed teeth extraction, and she needed denture. At 85, I think she rather did well going through so much pain and ache.

The first young, incompetent dentist that accepted Medicaid, made a horrendous mess in extracting two teeth. He referred us to the Dental School afterward; partially he didn't want to spend so much time on an old lady, and definitely has no ability to deal with complicated issues.

Reluctantly, I asked my brother to take me and our mom to the Dental School for fear that I couldn't physically help her after the surgery. It turned out the Dental School sent us away for various reasons:
  1. They only accept the first 7-8 people
  2. They work only on Monday and Friday for new patients
  3. Be there by 7:30 AM, or be screwed (It took us an hour to drive there!)
My emotional was all messed up, and I didn't know if I should be mad, or whom should I be mad at. When you are on Medicaid, you are at the mercy of others. No one care whether you are in pain or have no teeth to eat. You play by their rules! With Medicaid, the government paid for the expenses, but that could not be compared to private insurance.

So I sifted through the yellow pages online. At first I was all chirpy asking if they accept Medicaid, and then after the first 10 calls failed, I just went straight to the heart of the matter:  "do you accept Medicaid? No, bye!" This horrific nightmare with dentists has been with me for a month now, and nothing is done for my mom. She has very few teeth left, 7-I think, and uses her gum to eat. Not too many places accept Medicaid, then again, does any one care?

Life sucks! Growing old sucks!

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Friday, November 4, 2011

Heart of Aster Crego

Macro of Aster Crego Heart
I am going to finish up this series with my fascination for the Pink Aster Crego Mixed by featuring the nothing but close up shots of the heart of this flower.

Coming Closer

Since our weather was on the strange side this year, I could not tell how long this bloom has lasted, since the heavy rain and wind went on for days on end.

Snuggling Heart

I just love this last photo with the heart of the flower snuggling tightly inside all the petals, and the pink colors were just divine! As best as I can remember, this aster crego mixed has lasted more than four weeks already.

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Wednesday, November 2, 2011

A Is For Affection

I grew up not knowing how to physically express my affectionate feelings for another human being, and that left a toll on me to this day. I feel very uncomfortable saying "I love you" or hug someone if I don't know them well enough.

You could imagine my shock when I see people freely hugging and kissing everywhere, including all kind of relationships between people, friend to friend, sibling to in-law, same sexes, or people to pets.

This kind of affectionate display was quite refreshing, but at the same time was disturbing in my thoughts too. I was not accustomed to it in any way! The only thing I saw when growing up, was parents kissing their children on the forehead, or on the top of their children's head. Never on the lips!


Men and women were not allowed to even sit on the same side of the church. Touching in public was forbidden, and considered inappropriate. We don't hug, or give kisses on the cheeks like other cultures. Love is defined by "the look" and action. You would just develop the intuition to recognize when someone likes you. No need for physical touches, and to me it was a beautifully tradition!

The rule was quite sterile and compressed, but it was understood and respected. It definitely had a guideline for boundary. Nowadays, hugging and kissing could be anywhere, with anybody. We're all used seeing it and wouldn't even bash an eye lash.

I'm more at ease with showing affection to family and friends but not quite liberal just yet. What was it like when you're growing up? Are you a hugger/kisser or are you reserved?

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Top Four Picked Web Browsers

I have a hard time this past week with my web browsers, which are Google Chrome and Mozilla Firefox. Usually if one browser doesn't work out smoothly, then I use another. I'm more comfortable with Firefox since I know how to organize it to my liking.

With the trouble I had this week, I couldn't open Google Chrome to do a new post. The circle loading "thingy", kept on circling for hours on end. Frustrated, I searched for another web browser to work with. After reading articles and user comments, below are the top four web browsers.


1) Mozilla Firefox is still the number one choice for its user friendly
2) Google Chrome is preferred for tech savvy minded, who make use of its extensions
3) Opera browser for its loading speed, with an option to go turbo for slow internet connection
4) Safari browser for its stability in handling many opened windows without crashing so often


I downloaded Opera and Safari for my PC to try out. It took very little time to get used to the new interface, and learned how to navigate around these browsers. My favorite so far is Opera, because not only it loads up fast, it comes with a Google search area in the address bar, which something I really missed in Firefox after the updated version took that away.

It wasn't my week, and nothing seems to work out including my little camera. My browser problem is solved, so I think it is time to check in at dealfun.com complaints, and look for a new point and shoot camera.

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Mixed Memories

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