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Wednesday, September 7, 2011

U Is For Unparallel

A day or two later, my father got upset with my bad behavior so he yelled at me for being ungrateful to the priest, even though Father Paul didn't say anything after that episode. He threw my brace in the garbage, but insisted on me keeping the shoes since they offered a lift to my right leg. I believed he was very disappointed with outcome more than he led on.

I stayed in my room most of the time, finding comfort in Chi's and Marty's letters, which came regularly every few days. Marty often wrote about his life at the college, what he did during the week and his plan for the weekend. Chi' had a difficult time dealing with life just as I had! If we were left alone to accept our "imperfection", it would be much easier than getting set up for disappointment and frustration.


Father Paul only came once a while for a dinner or so. He didn't ask about the brace or the shoes anymore. He accepted as I have accepted. I co-exited with reality when I was around people, and escaped into my own world when I was alone in the bedroom. I picked up on writing poetry and short stories, completely and totally emerged in the world of my imagination.

Writing became a life jacket for me to grab on! I weaved a bit of reality and my mind soared to wherever it wanted. It was the most difficult time for me, and I was caught between life and dead decision; though the later was never strong enough to consider.


I went into a lock-down of my own. Chi's letter became too sad to read, and Marty's letter was too much of a "la la land" for me to enjoy. Their letters came and set aside for weeks before I could gather up interest to open them. High school life was also a nightmare with language barrier and cultural shock to deal with.

The situation at home was gloomy with my parents' pain of having to leave two of their children back in Vietnam. My sisters and I buried our head into quiet study with a dictionary from morning to night when we got home from school. Communication was completely cut off, and each one was on their own to deal with a strange reality.

Joining Alphabe-Thursday!

(Listed in Teenager Years series)





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17 comments:

  1. Whewww..that is a lot to bare Mumsy. I get so taken with your writings now, you have a way, and are very talented. Of course because it is from your heart, I am sure that is what makes it even more special.

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  2. I'm coming in late to the story, so I went back a few Thursdays to try and catch up. That brace/crutches thing sounds like torture. I'm still not sure how you broke your leg, but hope everything healed right and you're OK today.

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  3. How all alone you must have felt! I am glad you started writing, because it obviously became a great release for you.

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  4. lovely experience,
    the photo shot is stunning.

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  5. Whoa! I can't imagine having to leave part of your family behind like that. Glad you found a life jacket. Just for the record High school is in a dimension of its own here in the U.S.in my opinion. Ugh...

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  6. Your life stories always make me sad.
    Hope your healing!
    Visiting from Alphabe Thursday.
    ~JO

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  7. How hard it must have been to live with such silence and sorrow!

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  8. I agree with Judie that it's great that you started writing to help you "talk" about your feelings. High school isn't easy for most teenagers but I'm sure you found it even more difficult.

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  9. Oh Mumsy....my heart goes out to the teenage you. Teenage years are the roughest since we're trying to find our own identities and where we fit in in the world but you had so much more to have to deal with. I can't even imagine what the atmosphere must have felt like in your family with all that gloominess hanging around. It's sad that Chi and Marty's letters were so opposite of each other that you can't even find solace in their words. I'm so sorry you had to deal with all this at such a young age...

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  10. Here listening Mumsy. Safe hugs to you.

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  11. It's amazing what a refuge writing can be! Over the years when reality became a little too much, writing became a refuge...

    I'm so happy you found refuge there also Mumsy...

    hugs,

    RMW

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  12. As others have already said, I think most of us can relate to lonely teenage years. Even those of us without language barriers still found meaningful communication hard during those trying years. But you certainly had a few extra burdens to deal with, so lucky you, you found refuge in writing.

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  13. Every time I come here I get another tiny glimpse into your life. Vague snapshots. Still images locked in time of the girl you once were, the woman you have become. In their own way those images are as beautiful as the pictures that you post. Fragile, some times thorny, always lovely!

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  14. Sounds like a terrible terrible time my friend. I'm glad you found a "life jacket" in writing to grab hold off.

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  15. Teenage years have a torment of their own and then to add in the factors you had to deal with - no wonder you contemplated, but thankfully never gave up. Thank God for his window of hope in writing. Poor Chi. I truly would like to know how he is doing and btw, you two both have a beauty of your own. No one is perfect. While some of try to right another's imperfections we fail to see our own.

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  16. I'm so glad you had writing back then, too, to help vent some of your pain.

    Do you still have the journals, etc. from that time? Do you ever read them over?

    I'd be very curious to see if you can see yourself getting stronger as you adversities continued.

    Thanks for sharing your heart.

    A+

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  17. I never thought you had that personality in you, but I can see it now.

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