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Wednesday, August 31, 2011

T Is For Tantalizing

Once all the equipments brought home, I was told to practice wearing these armors for at least two hours a day to build calluses around my rib cages. Sounded absolutely heaven and made sense, right? I gave it my best shot. I put on the brace, the shoes, and the crutches to "better" my walk! I took all the pain even though the edges of the plastic brace was cutting through my skin.

When Father Paul came to visit, I was told to show him my progress, and put on my shackles pretending that his effort paid off. I loved him since no one had ever cared for me that much besides Captain Cook, but I had no infatuation with Captain Cook as I was just a child. With Father Paul, I was already a teenager at an emotional turmoil stage!


I didn't wear these armors to school since I didn't feel stable in them, and they only got in the way at a very bustling school. When the bruises under my rib cages were unbearable to tolerate, I stopped putting them on at home. No one knew that I had bruises or my skin was cut! They were very tough to move about and around in. Sitting in them was impossible since the brace would be pushed down on my pelvic bones with sharp pain.

I did get lots of attention at this stage all on behalf of my broken leg! The final straw came when I was told to put on my shackles to show Father Paul how at ease I was with them. To make everyone happy, I put on my equipments and put on the show. Just after the first few steps, I stopped on my track and yelled "ouch!"


My parents thought that I was embarrassed and encouraged me on with subtle threats. I tried for the life of me to take another step. Then in their horror, I lashed out with anger by ripping off the brace, and lifted up my shirt showing them the bruises under my rib cages, and under my breasts from the invasive brace. I took a look at my parents' and Father Paul's faces, and turned away.

Not knowing what would happen to me, I left for my bedroom and thought about my action! It was inappropriate of me to do what I did in front of a priest, but I really didn't reveal anything. Talking was useless in my case, and they just needed to see evidence that I've tried in vain to please them...

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(Listed in Teenager Years series)





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19 comments:

  1. There comes a time in all our lives that we get so frustrated, we have to lash out. I am sure they understood.

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  2. I can't imagine how hard that was for a young girl....

    I hurt for your teenaged self...

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  3. You had to deal with so much! I would have been angry by now too.

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  4. lovely insights,

    the nature is a place for unwinding.

    bless you.

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  5. enjoyed your take.
    way to go.

    love and peace with you.

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  6. Your writing is so beautiful. I can not begin to imagine your pain. You are such a remarkable young woman. Anne

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  7. Mumsy, you gave it a valiant effort, but I wish you had told someone sooner. My heart goes out to you!

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  8. Yay! I am SO happy you showed them. It was high time Mumsy.

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  9. Oh Mumsy, my heart goes out to you for all the pain you had to endure when wearing that brace. It just sounds absolutely horrible having it cut into your body like that. I can't even imagine how you could have endured the pain for so long. I'm glad you finally got fed up with trying to please everyone and just showed them the proof of your pain. They can't ignore your cries now that they've seen the reality of what it was doing to you!

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  10. Nothing worse than a child in pain.
    You were only reaching out for help the best way you could.
    I worry about those that can't communicate. You were a very courageous young lady. I tip my hat.

    yvonne
    Thanks for being a follower

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  11. I can only imagine how painful all that was. I love your continuing story. Great T word

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  12. What a difficult and painful experience. I'm glad that you were finally able to let them know their "help" was hurting you.

    "/

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  13. oh, i am so sorry, you've been to so much pain, i am sure they maybe you stronger, but so hard to imagine someone as young as you were then were having so much pain and struggles in an effort to be physiologically better but may be hard to resolve medically.

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  14. Thank you for visiting our new blog!

    Greetings Beertje Zonn

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  15. Hey, this is a great word, the first time I heard it was from a guy...I had to go home and look it up. haha
    As for your torture, no one knows except for the one who is wearing the shoes. It is sad but true. I wished that it was more user friendly, perhaps by now medicine had improved much. You think?

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  16. What we won't endure for those we know are doing their best for us. Good for you for finally coming out with your pain.

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  17. Dear girl, I am glad you have your words to help you work through all that happens to you and hope they give you some relief. Keep writing!

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  18. What a profoundly difficult experience.

    On a much smaller scale I remember a niece having to wear a full body brace because of severe scoliosis. Oh, she would cry with the pain of the braces...and it would rub her poor little body raw. I found some natural lambs wool to pack around the edges which gave her small relief.

    Mumsy.

    I know it can't help with the memories, but I'm sorry you had to endure so much.

    Thank you for sharing your heart.

    Hugs and A+

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  19. Wow, who could blame you for finally saying "enough!"

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