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Wednesday, August 24, 2011

S Is For Shackle

Father Paul registered me at a local High School, and after Christmas that year, I went to a real school. He had a young girl-Lorie-from our church to accompany me for the first few weeks to show me the way, from where to get on the bus, to the school office, to my classes, to how to catch the bus home. Father Paul was very considerate, and thought of everything for my transition. Without Lorie's help, I would have been lost big time.

However, he was under pressure in helping me improved my broken leg and the way I walked! Either after school time or on Saturday, Father Paul still had to take me to appointments. Since I did spent quite a bit of time with him, teenager's crush set in even though he was older than my own father. I fell in love with him and the feelings were just as raw as could be!

Mind you, it was all platonic, and he never knew how I felt. I believe I would have fell in love with anyone who showed me tenderness, attention, and loving gestures at that age or at any age for that matter! He was the first priest that I love, and held dear in my thought. Father Paul determined that surgery was out of the race in my case, so he took me to the shoes specialists. Yes, shoes specialists and we saw many until settled with one!

One of the doctor I saw earlier, made a heavy duty plastic brace for my hip, and the shoes specialist custom-made a special pair of shoes with a higher lift for my right side. They believed with these equipments I would have a balance walk, a normal walk and would not wobble anymore. Father Paul had the patience of a saint and took me for many fittings until they were all perfectly ME!

I went along for the ride to please everyone in my life, and thought nothing of it until I had to try on the brace and the shoes together. The brace was placed under my rib cages, and strapped around my abdomen with Velcro to hold it in place! Once the shoes were on, and they asked me to take a step, I couldn't. I was stiff as a pole! The thick plastic brace pushed up against my rib cages and hurt like heck with each movement I made with their help.

Looking for rescue, I turned to Father Paul with tears again running down my cheeks! I saw the look of despair on his face as he had no idea why I cried. The doctor and the shoe maker quickly added another piece of equipment to my agonizing pain: crutches to use under my armpits. I felt shackled, freak of all freaks, and a prisoner in my own body. When I tried to explain that it hurt terribly, they told me I would get used to it...

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  1. How horrible for you! I am so sorry you had to suffer so much! Sometimes, people who think they are doing the right thing just don't realize! I look forward to hearing more about what happened.

  2. I hope all the pain turned out to be for your gain!

  3. Your story is such a courageous one. I can not imagine the difficulties you have suffered. What a wonderful person Father was getting Lori to help you along. Life is so fragile yet so difficult for us. I appreciate your writing here. Thank yo for sharing your life with us.

  4. first, before I forget, I so love your pictures always, they are so haunting, just like your words.

    now, to the post, I do understand very well why we develop a crush for those men who showed us love, tenderness and care. I had my share of crushes when I was younger to my male teachers, priest, etc, thankfully, no one among them noticed and took advantage, for them, I was their little shy girl.

    The legs, though I was not in a similar situation, but I can feel your frustration and pain, how I wish things had been better for you. I too suffered from really bad migraine when I was young that would make tremble and incapable of opening my eyes without the pain and moving my legs without the world falling, and I would hear sometimes some people telling my mom, "it's only a headache! she is over reacting!"

  5. I am sure I would also feel restrained if I had to wear contraptions... but I wonder whether your pain was worth the later gain?

  6. Aww, I feel so bad for you and for the pain you went through with the brace. You were just starting to enjoy being at a normal school and then you had to go through something like that. It must have been horrible, especially when your pain was so quickly brushed aside with a quick "you'll get use to it". I hate it when people say that to me.

  7. Oh Mumsy you had so much pain to endure both physically and mentally. I hope throughout your life now as an adult you have found some peace.

  8. Your story is difficult to read at times, but your courage inspires and motivates me.


  9. Oh, your story has made me tear-up Mumsy. That sounds like so much misery.

  10. Sweet girl. Today I cried for you. You have had so much to bear. As I read this post again 'Falling Softly' is playing on my play list and I just hear the lyrics 'you have suffered enough'.

    If you don't know this song, it's number 91 on my playlist. And I dedicate this song to you today!

    You have survived. You have endured...

    And I salute your determination and courage.

    Hugs and A+

  11. This was a tough time for you. I looked at the photos when packing for M. I saw your graduation picture, you looked so young and so brought back memories.

  12. Wow, this had to be so hard to endure. Would they ever let you just be you natural without going through these hideous and painful measures to make everything perfect?


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