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Wednesday, August 17, 2011

R Is For Raw

For some reasons, people like to fix me, or better my life with a pair of straight working legs! No one wanted more than me-myself-but it was only a fantasy and wishful thinking on all part! I, somehow, knew it would never work out, and having a pair of normal legs was just a beautiful dream.

My family's sponsors lined up appointments with doctors for me to see! Again, I was just a guinea pig that brought up curiosity, pity, and questions. I had no desire to go through another experimental testing or humiliating, but I was raised up to obey without a frown! However, as each experiment failed, so went my confident and a thrive to live!


I was dragged along from one doctor to another, and this time I showed my quiet anger and displeased. I wouldn't talk; I wouldn't cooperate, and just avoided looking at anybody! For a month long after I got home from the Baltimore Hospital's controversial case, I was again the "freak" of a new society. I was held back at home, and was not sent to go to school like all my sisters.

Often, Father Paul, a pastor at the church who sponsored our family, took me to these appointments. Everyone else had to work or didn't speak English well enough to understand the doctors. Father Paul became someone who I would take my frustrations out after seeing a doctor. I would give him a look of anger and sadness while trying to hold the tears back.


I was 17 years old and desperately wanted to live somewhat of my abnormal life. I wanted to fit in the scheming of things however hard it was for me to do so. Father Paul, slowly understood that I was not a willing participate in the quest to fix my leg witnessing tears streamed down my cheeks after every examination. He could not stand my silence treatment toward him!

Many times, Father Paul would stop driving and stood in the middle of road trying to get me to talk. He didn't care who was behind him, or that he held up traffic until I talked to him. One day, while the person behind him honking their horn, I told him: "No more doctors. No more appointments. I want to go to school" in a quiet tone of voice. Father Paul looked at me for a long time and smiled as he drove on...

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(Listed in Teenager Years series)





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13 comments:

  1. I sometimes wondered if you would be any different if you didn't have the handicap? A conversation for Nov. eh?

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  2. oh, as much as I am attracted to the very beautiful images here, but they are well representing the tears in your agony as every experiment failed. you tell a very poignant story, and i am looking forward to what is next.

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  3. This is heartbreaking for a young girl to go through. I can't say I know how you felt, because I haven't walked in your shoes.
    If you get a chance to see Sunrise at Campabello, please do.
    It's about FDR, he was before your time.
    Fondly,
    yvonne

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  4. Your honest and frank words are very wonderful. I think sometime only the person in the situation can determine what is the best therapy for them! You are a bright young person. Prayers are here for you.

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  5. Your photography is awesome ... you probably already know that though. Most interesting to see the raindrops as tears from the soul.

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  6. Thanks for this installment...

    Can't wait to see what happens next!

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  7. Good for you, letting him know what you really needed.

    =)

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  8. I, too, am waiting for the next installment! I am really impressed with your photos, as well.

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  9. You write with such intensity and rawness. I admire that you share your pain so freely. It is inspiring to me personally...it's amazing to think what you've endured...although I'm always sorry it was so.

    Thanks for sharing this powerful ongoing story with us.

    A+

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  10. It's really heartbreaking reading about how you go from doctor to doctor as they try to "fix" your legs. It really sucks that you couldn't live normally even with your handicap. I'm glad that you finally spoke out about your dislike for the situation though! Can't wait to see what happens next!

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  11. This is such a tearjerker story of your life. Your stunning raindrop pictures speak well of your sadness.

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