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Wednesday, February 23, 2011

T is For Time

Every other weekend when my little boy has to go with his dad, I'm sitting on needle and pin. I don't what would happen to him, but I know for sure he is very agitated. He has more than once told me that his friends didn't have to do this sort of things. My comforting words to him were that this weekend visits would end soon when he is old enough to make his own decision.

Just this past weekend, he made a call to me in distress and I can hear his sobbing in the background. My heart squeezed all the blood out of it and my stomach tightened in knots. He hid in the bathroom to make the call, and through what I could make out: his dad, the girlfriend, and his dad's brother and sister had ambushed him into a "talk to."

I couldn't imagine how my son must have felt with all of these mindless adults attacking him, or ganging on him because the dad had no decency with parenting skill. It should have been a private conversation, whatever it might be! They demanded my son to be joyful and cooperative in spending time with his dad.

Now, duh, by what they did, how should one feel being around them? I don't see any benefits in enlisting the help of others to bash a little child.  Fear and resentment might just as well build up rather than love or respect.

Well, these people pride themselves on being educated, but how they approached a child said differently in my book! This was the act of ignorance and shallow minds to say the least. You don't corner a child and demand him to be happy when he doesn't want to be there in the first place.

As I feel his anguish, I also feel my helplessness, anger, frustrating, and a truck load of intolerable behaviors from this half-a$$ man. How a parent could feel so good in handing over his own child over for ridicule? He has to be a piece of worthless human form to do something beyond comprehension...

Joining Alphabe-Thursday!

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  1. That's absurd! How can they demand happiness? That in itself is ensuring the very opposite!

  2. A child needs breathing room feel at home in my mind.

  3. Unbelievable! I have no words, only prayers that the situation improves. God be with you and your boy dear Mumsy.

  4. Sounds like your child is being asked to take sides by his father. I think some intervention is necessary.

  5. It's a shame when grown ups can't be good role models for their children and for the young people in their lives. I sure do hope they see the error of their ways soon.

    Blessings and best wishes,

  6. This is just so heartbreaking to read. I feel so sad for your poor little boy and I feel so heartbroken for you since you can't do anything to protect him from those people. There are so many ways his father could've approached this issue. Ganging up on him and forcing him into submission is not one of them. I hope that they realize that their approach is wrong soon and that they don't blame you for your son's behavior.

  7. If they want him to be happy in their home, maybe they should try to do things that would actually have a chance of making him happy!



  8. Oh my, as a mother I know how this makes your heart just ache....



  9. Oh Mumsy, such difficult times for you and your son.

    I used to keep journal when my children were young and forced to see their insane Dad.

    I wrote about my feelings and how hard it was not to protect them and how their Dad loved them but was incapable of acting in an adult and compassionate manner.

    A few years ago I gave the journey to my oldest daughter (29 at the time) She said it gave her insite into those years of torment.

    I don't know if this might help a bit.

    In the meantime, know that I'm surrounding you and your dear son with withh prayers of protection and peace during this horrible time of your life.

    Thank you for linking.

    Your honest, as always, is humbling.


  10. My heart goes out to you and your son Mumsy during this very difficult time.

    Your ex sounds like a stinky a$$!!

  11. Expecting to force and demand Happiness is absurd and will likely do just the opposite and potentially cause relational issues with Daddy, which is a pity. I agree that an intervention is due. I Pray you find the best way to protect your precious little one. Ideally also preserve relationship if that is at all possible so that he feels a connection and love of both parents? *I understand that sometimes it is not possible... as alas, not everyone who parents a child is up to the job.* We are custodial Grandparents and have had the difficult decisions and task to intervene when necessary with visitations in the best interests of the child and set acceptable boundaries so that we have a Peace about parental contact. Children typically love their Parents and want the love of their Parents, regardless of the dynamics between the adults or their specific issues. Hopefully you and your ex can find a way to ensure that your child is the highest priority for the both of you and you don't feel the entire burden of ensuring that on your own. My Heart goes out to you and your little one, you sound like a wonderful and nurturing Mommy.

    Blessings... Dawn... The Bohemian

  12. Oh, hopefully there is a way to address this issue with your son's dad...maybe you are able to talk to him about how your son is feeling when he goes to visit. Obviously, it would have to be in a non-confrontational conversation or I am sure that he would be on the offense and not want to hear what you would say.

    Oh for the sake of your little one, I do hope that his dad can realize that these visits need to change so that they can have a good relationship as your son grows older.

    Blessings & Aloha!

  13. I am in the same thoughts with Sue in these comments here. If they want a kid to like them, they have to be likable- starting with the hubby. Just like I always say, if you are responsible you will earn respect- naturally.

  14. thoughtful.

    kids want respect too.
    Happy Sunday!

  15. I'm stunned and very sad to read this. Is there anything that can be done about these so-called visits? I'm so sorry for you and your son.


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