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Wednesday, December 15, 2010

L Is For Loneliness

Lonely or loneliness is a close friend of mine for the past 10 years, and I'm not a bit sad about it.  I've learned to treasure my alone moments, without thinking about it.  I've managed to experience the "empty nest syndrome" when my two older children move away, and still carried on my responsibilities with a younger child at home.

It was not easy at first when all I see around me are happy couples, and "whole" families. My little son too, was also sad to see his friends have both mom and dad at special events.  It took a while and after many unpleasant experiences for us to find our marks.


We are happier now just to show up at any event without feeling out of place.  In fact, it is more peaceful and less stress without the added factor of the X.  Once in a while, I do feel as if I need a man's presence to take on some responsibilities of life, since I'm so tired of doing it on my own all the time, but that thought quickly passed as soon as I heard the X's voice.

My older children told me to go on date, and my friend told me to find companionship.  However, when it comes down to it, as far as I can see, it is all pain and ache, and that thought scares me, paralyze me more than being alone, or feeling lonely.  I choose to be alone rather than dealing with that aspect of unpleasantness.


Long ago, I didn't think it is possible to be alone and happy.  Now I know better! When I come across abused women who said they can't be alone, I feel sorry for them because they haven't reached the point of respecting themselves just yet.  It is not that bad to be alone, or maybe something is wrong with me?

I do though, still have hope that one day loves would find me and I can feel it with all the glory that love was meant to be.  For now, I'm settled with being alone, with peace, and with contentment.

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21 comments:

  1. That is awesome! Really it is! I love my husband to death, but sometimes I just want to run away from everybody and be alone. I feel terribly guilty when I feel that way and I keep insisting that I am going on a vacation by.my.self next year. No hubs, no kids...just me and peace and quiet! I need it. A spa would be nice!

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  2. I too don't mind being alone. I think it's good for a soul to know how to deal with itself. I don't blame you one bit for being hesitant about jumping back into the world of relationships.

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  3. I, too, treasure my stolen moments. It is in those moments I strive for conscious contact with my creator whether it be through prayer and meditation or through my writing. It appears you are stronger than you give yourself credit for. But do not let your past make you blind to future possibilities. Just be open to God's will, whatever it may be. God bless.

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  4. sometimes it's nice to be alone and sometimes it's nice to have someone there, that's the way things work, isn't it?

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  5. I like being alone . It is our best friend imo. :) it never talks back !

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  6. You are certainly not wrong! I raised my son with just my family. He's turned out well, and I am blissfully happy alone. If someone walked into my life and it was easy, I'd be thrilled, but I don't need a man to define me or make me feel like I am a whole person. You go girlfriend!

    Teresa

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  7. I think learning to be content in every situation in life is so important. It helps prepare you for things that may come your way.

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  8. I've been alone for 15 years now, but not Lonely. Learn to Love thyself! And enjoy being with your freedom :)

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  9. I think it's awesome that your comfortable being alone. I'm married to a man I plan on keeping around. But, sometimes its easier to parent when it's just me. It seems like all heck breaks loose when Dad gets home from work. It

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  10. Like you, I do enjoy my alone time and my kids and I go everywhere with families and do not feel out of place. I actually feel more comfortable with my married couple friends...less pressure.

    That said, I would like to find companionship and be married again!

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  11. yep, I think you're absolutely right. It took me a good time before I could move on and find love again. I did and now I am experiencing a happiness I'd only ever dreamed of.
    When you're ready I hope you find that too
    Beautiful post

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  12. I think that women are much better at being alone than men are. I don't mind being alone, but I would hate to be lonely. I don't want you to be lonely, either.
    Dating doesn't always have to lead to another heartbreak. Allowing yourself to be defined by your association with a man is not being true to yourself. When you feel that you can be true to yourself, and BE yourself, then putting yourself out into the dating scene won't be so frightening.

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  13. I know exactly what you mean. I was completely alone for nearly 15 years after my husband died and even though it was hard at first, I learned to love my solitude and privacy. I could eat what I wanted when I wanted, sleep when I felt like it, travel where I wanted to!

    Have great Christmas!

    xxoo,

    RMW

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  14. It's a blessing to know that you can be self-reliant, that's for certain.

    Still, I can't help hoping that one day you will find someone kind and solid with whom you can be interdependent. In the meantime, keep on keepin' on because it really is true what all those affirmation proponents say:

    You ARE enough. We all are!

    =)

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  15. You are in a GOOD place in your life I think Mumsy. You're not afraid to be alone: in fact you are content and feel fulfilled without a man! I do think you will meet someone wonderful who will appreciate you - but in your own time.

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  16. I'm in a new relationship now after my divorce, but sometimes I just cry because it's so hard to go from being alone to being with someone again. I find myself asking for space all the time. I really envy that you have that time to yourself still.

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  17. It's good that you don't need to have a man in your life. If one should happen to come a long that's great. I think too many women don't want to be alone and they accept bad behavior from a spouse/boyfriend just so they are not alone. Good for you that you are not willing to accept that.

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  18. Mumsy, a thoughtful and thought provoking post. This was so poignant...and so true.

    I know people who stay in a lousy relationship just so they won't be lonely.

    I'd rather be lonely and alone then beaten down.

    Thanks for sharing your heart with us.

    A+

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  19. You can be painfully lonely while married. Having a man does not remedy anything. Having the right one might, but we are each made complete - no missing parts and I find I can function without one just fine!

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  20. Always heartfelt from you Mumsy. Alone time is nice, however can get lonely at times. Never give up the hope and dream of finding Love, it is there, you just have to allow it!

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  21. hubster is not perfect, in fact he is like 60% grouch and PITA and 40% nice, and can be verbally abusive. we've been together 26 years(25 married)

    My first hubby was physically abusive. WAAY worse.

    Hubster and I are soulmates, we know this, even with the bad moments. We've made it through some really rough stuff.
    when it comes down to it, we love each other. we are committed.
    my nest is basically empty.
    the worst part is I am now 100% disabled, mostly due to an OTJI in 2005. so I am basically housebound (have no car of my own) and am alone about 80% of the time, i hate it. The isolation only adds to the depression that i now have from dealing with the loss of my job, career and the chronic pain.

    Loneliness to me is horrible.

    Susan

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