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Tuesday, November 16, 2010

When All The Pieces Came Together

It took me months to get over the "priest man" even after 30 or so years later!  This was the first time I actually faced the meaning of that long ago relationship, and accepting the faulty of that man whom I thought loved me.

It doesn't mean that I didn't go through frustration and anger! It disgusted me for the person he was, and what he had done for a while.  It was also upsetting me for having no voice back then, and allowed him to call all the shots with nothing to say. I wished for a chance to meet him face to face and handed him back the bag of rubbish that he handed to me.


For a while, my mind didn't accept him as "the man of God"!  How could he be so good to everyone, except me?  How could he love all others and not me?  Learning to reason with many different aspects of life helped me navigating through these sad memories.  However, it was what I needed to do.

I waited for him to call, and I waited for him to email me.  Neither one came!  We talked, and we were done!  Two lives, two separate roads! I must learn to let them all go.  I must learn to forgive him.  I must learn to pray for him.  I must learn to think of him as "the man of God". Maybe all I needed to hear was an apology from him, or an explanation!


I'm now truly at peace without answers, explanations, or apologies with the thought of him.  It's all right!  There are plenty of other people in my life that either had or will hurt my feelings, and I can't hold them accountable forever.  I just have to list him in that ordinary people category.

Knowing that he has cancer doesn't change anything either, because it is his cross to carry and I have no part in sharing that.  Emotional roller coaster is a funny thing; once you reached the peak, you have to come down.  I'm there, finally! As good or as great as he is, he is not worth it anymore for me to think about..

I'm literally taking these memes Pour Your Heart Out to the max!

(Read this series at Heart Of a Woman..)




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6 comments:

  1. Emotional roller coasters suck, I've been on one for about 5 months now and I'm ready to pull my hair out.

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  2. It is so good you are putting the past behind you Mumsy! And you ARE all right!

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  3. So glad you were able to put it behind you!

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  4. Putting the past behind us can be so hard. Nice for you to be able to do so.

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  5. Sometimes it's all you can do...put it behind you even without closure. Sometimes that is the closure. I like when people write from the heart.

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  6. Mumsy, so sad he acted so irresponsibly towards you. He is not emotionally mature.

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