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Monday, November 29, 2010

Dealing With Aggressive Black Cloud

We had a great Thanksgiving this year, because all my kid were with me.  Just to see them together was a blessing in itself, since children of divorce parents often left struggling between houses.  They also had no voice until they were old enough to make their own decision.

We ate our feast of turkey, stuffing, green bean casserole, smoked ham hock collar green, soup, and asparagus.  Even the fussiest person enjoyed the dinner without much complains.  We played speed scrabble after dinner, and just hung out.

We had two days of happiness without a care or bother, but as for life goes, it wouldn't be for long.  My littlest boy's birthday is next weekend, which fall into his dad's time, so the X texted me for the details of the event.  Since I have paid for all of my boy's soccer and basketball, I asked him to pick up the expenses.  He agreed, holy cow, and without the regular torments.

I knew he was up to something, and sure enough he bluntly tells me that he will bring his new "bedmate" to the party.  This announcement shot right into my nerve!  It is bad enough for my boy to have to deal with the dad's new toy every few weeks, now at his own birthday party too?

Ooh..I lost my cool and told the X to stop forcing this "aggressive black cloud" down our throat.  Is that really too much to ask when I all I wanted is a piece of space, my own space, without them always bug in and hang over me?  They have their world without any interference from me.  Why in the hell that I can't have mine?

It is a little boy's birthday for him and his friends, for peace's sake; not a freak show!!!

There is no situation to win or lose here if you ask me.  When they have my son to celebrate whatever, I don't insist on being there, and if you don't get it after reading this, here is the conclusion: I want my own space in my own world too!  Two hundred miles of separation is not far enough?

It makes me ill to think that these two are brainless, inconsiderate, aggressively forcing themselves into my  world, and think that they have a right to it.  They don't!!

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  1. Oh I so understand what you are going through. I am going through a custody battle right now w/ my sons DNA donor.
    My prayers are with your for strength and I hope he leaves her out of it.

  2. This is a sticky situation. How can one win gracefully?

  3. Melissa,

    I'm so glad you understand what I'm going through, and make me laugh about "DNA donor", which I have to say it fits my case too.

  4. Judy,

    There is no sticky situation, and I don't want to win either. I just want my own breathing space!!

    It's just a little boy's birthday party!

    The adults are not invited, which includes her.

  5. Mumsy, I don't have children, but I understand what you are saying here. Brainless and inconsiderate are good adjectives!

  6. How awful. My dad was always trying to bring his girlfriends to things like they were a part of our lives...when they never lasted. It was just embarrassing and awkward.

  7. I was a child of divorce and my sperm donor had girlfriends. Never thinking that he might not want them around me until it was serious and not just a fling.

    I don't understand why some parents are so happy to introduce their children and possible confuse them with any Mary, Sue, or Lynn. I just don't understand it.

  8. You know Mumsy not once did they consider you or your feelings in this situation.....makes all sense why he is not your husband anymore. His new bedmate will learn too, all in time...Karma!

  9. Now it becomes clear why he was happy to pay! He just wanted to be able to manipulate her in :( Not nice, Mumsy. Stay strong!

  10. I have several siblings who have gone through divorce, and I hate seeing them bring their "bedmates" as you call it (LOL) to parties and family functions, only to have them be replaced by the new flavor of the month at the next gathering. I hate it for their kids, and quite frankly I don't like it for mine. It just leads to questions I would rather not have to answer about lives that are non of my business. I hear ya!

  11. I am reading this backwards, haven't been here in a while. I was really sick last week and a half. Didn't feel like doing much, just what I had to do. Anyhow, enough about me.
    You know, my X and I celebrate our kids' BD separately! I mean you can enforce this Mumsy! It is much better. The kids should not even want to put you in that situation. My boys are very sensitive about how their dad's presence on any circumstances would effect me. Crazy.


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