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Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Of Light And Dark

After T.'s disappearance, I had no one else to hang out with at night. During the day, I looked for another full-time job and still held on to my weekend job as a cashier! Life was depressing for the most part, and I still contributed regularly into paying rent, but I wasn't exist under my big sister's eyes. I was more like a ghost to her.

Then to rub more salt into the wound, my seminarian brother decided to be a regular man. He came home and stayed with us. Part of the living room turned into his quarter! His presence took the breath out of my life, since I couldn't do anything right by him, just as I couldn't do anything right with my aunt. My being was like a thousand thorns in his eyes!



I saw the love, and affectionate he gave to D. I heard the caring, and worries he had toward her. However, once glance at me and he cringed like a prune! I never understood that! I never could get why! I was afraid of him as I was afraid of my aunt, and yes I was already 23 years of age.

The apartment that we shared was the one we found! They, my older sister and brother who ignored me, came to take charge of it after us! I became their enemies somehow overnight! Did I do any wrong for being related to them? I didn't choose it! I didn't want to be a handicap person either! Where was my choice? Why did they treat me less than a human?



I watched my brother picking up D. twirling her around, saying that she was too skinny, and worrying about the color of her skin, while he took time to write a menu of foods for me to make every day while I was out of a job! Every morning before he went to work, he had my nieces put the menu on my desk with the note that I must prepared all four to five dishes for dinner, whether he was home or not.

I felt like Cinderella! I took care of my nieces, but their mom didn't see me! I went out to look for a job, and hurriedly got home to prepare the dishes that my brother demanded! Now, if I didn't pay my part of the rent, then I could take this treatment and understood his hatred toward me, but I did for both me and the sister that he so loved...So then why? Why?

I'm literally taking these memes Pour Your Heart Out to the max!

(Read this series at Heart Of a Woman..)





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8 comments:

  1. Mumsy, all I can ask or think this entire time is "WHAT is wrong with these people" they have the handicapp, NOT YOU!~

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  2. This was not right what they did Mumsy. Four to five dishes a night you had to prepare? That's crazy!

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  3. How hurtful that they treated you like this!

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  4. Sounds more like being a maid then a sister.

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  5. I don't know how you took it for so long.

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  6. Oh...I hope that there are also some happy memories in the midst of these times that you have shared... Or that as the years have passed...you have been able to receive the love, kindness, happiness you deserve.

    Blessings & Aloha!

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  7. Just so terrible, I think this must be the worst yet I have read. I would be forever done...Now that I am older, I am more bold, and I can do it! haha. I would like to some how take this to SS - I have a lot to say about it. As I read, I imagine, and what a "crappy" world it must have been for you. So sorry, no one should have to stand this humiliation and alienation for being handicapped.

    ReplyDelete

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