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Wednesday, October 13, 2010

D is For Dad

Have you ever wished that you know your parents better, and in a deeper sense that just your parents?  I do, and I've always wished that I really knew who my dad was as a man! Being sent away as soon as I could go to school, I didn't get that chance of knowing my dad.

I just knew him as a hard working man who tried the very best of his abilities to raise 11 children, and who had given us a better life than his ever was.  According to bits and pieces that I have heard, my dad had a very sad, abused, and terrible childhood.  His family life was also broken when he was a young child, leaving him to labor to feed his mother, and her offsprings from other relationships!


Well, you see, I had no more chance of knowing my dad, because he passed away almost 23 years ago when I was at the start of developing a bond with him.  The story of his life was very intriguing to me, but I could only gather very little!  My dad didn't want us to know anything about his life whatsoever, and he didn't talk much about it or allowed us to ask questions either!

My childhood memory recalled of fear whenever I had to face him, since he barely showed any loving gestures.  However, I always had this vivid image of my dad kissing us on our foreheads at New Year and Christmas celebrations!  That twice a year act meant so much to us, and helped us realized that he loved us.


I grew up in a culture where affectionate feelings were not to be shown, but told in actions.  Kissing, hugging, and saying "I love you" were signs of weakness, spoiled, and unhealthy!  You should just feel the love from the members of your family without any of these physical attachments. 

My dad passed away too soon before I could get to know him as an adult!  His life remained a mystery to me, but he stood tall, strong, and very manly in my heart.  I did manage however, to tell him that I loved him, and hugged him a few times while we got to know each other the year before he died.

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22 comments:

  1. Very interesting post. I think it's difficult for most of us to understand our parents as they really are. There's always too much positive and/or negative emotion involved that we carry from our childhood in our subconscious.

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  2. I am glad you shared this heartwarming story of you and your dad. Maybe it will help you feel better to talk about it openly. I am sure there was love. It is hard for some to show it when they perhaps never knew what real love was.

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  3. I'm sorry you didn't get as much time with your Dad as you wished. This is a lovely tribute to your love for him. I love your honesty, and as always, wish for more time to visit my bloggy friends.

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  4. What a touching post. Your dad sounds like an incredible man despite not being open with his feelings.

    Teresa

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  5. The Bible says "love covers a multitude of sins", so I bet your Dad is more grateful for those loving acts then you are right now wherever on the other side he is. Your blog is a testimony to the fact that he did good without even realizing it. Congratulations to your Dad - he did the best he could which wasn't half bad.

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  6. D is for Dad seems to me to be the ideal entry for today. And, by the way, thanks for followig me!

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  7. WOW...I guess I would be a weak person Mumsy in the eyes of some back then...I can't tell or show my boys enough as they Now allow me to with hugs and love yous....I bet you are more affectionate with your own too...it is so important.

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  8. Your post really touched me. I had such a wonderful childhood and loved my sweet dad dearly. I don't know what I can say other than I am so glad you have your sweet memory of the kisses on your forehead. Life is often difficult and certainly challenging. I thank you for posting today. I appreciate your sincerity. Blessings Anne

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  9. This was a very touching post. Thanks for writing it.

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  10. I wish you had the opportunity to know him too. It sounds like it would have been something you would have really loved to do.

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  11. I feel so sad for you and for you dad for having such a rough childhood. I can sort of understand why your dad didn't want to talk about his past and why he doesn't show much affection. It's hard to do so when you have to shoulder so much. I'm glad you got to know him just a little bit before he died. At least that means you have some memory of him and not none. Thanks for the wonderful post.

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  12. Everyone has their own way of showing their love for one another. I would say that he showed his love by working so hard to try and provide for everyone.

    I wish you could have gotten to know him a little better, I'll bet he was an amazing man in his own way.


    Hang in there and keep writing, it's therapeutic!

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  13. I'm glad you had least had the opportunity to bond with your dad a little more before he passed away.

    My dad had a difficult start to his childhood, too. My grandparents adopted him when he was three, and he had been neglected by his birth parents. He had rickets when they adopted him.

    I think he carried the legacy of those first three years with him always.

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  14. sweet,
    Dad is not bad,
    the house of the head,
    always working hard
    and do important job!

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  15. So glad to read that you and your father grew closer before he passed away. And sorry for your loss Mumsy.

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  16. Mumsy, I just wanted to thank you for stopping by my blog. Glad you enjoyed C and D. E is going to be a toughy!!!

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  17. My dad was loving to us but not very involved. From what my Mom says he had a bad childhood but I never talked to him about it. I wish I would have.

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  18. Growing up my dad did not show a lot of love, physically or verbally. Just like it wasn't done in his family. But he was a very hard working man and I know loved us. Since I have been married and grown, he has been much more expressive in his words and actions. We don't live near where he lives, but we talk almost daily and it is always good to hear him say I love you.

    I'm sorry that your dad is no longer with you, but happy to hear that before he passed away, you two were able to share your feelings more openly.

    Blessings & Aloha!
    Still trying to catch up on blog reading! Thank you so much for stopping by and commenting!

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  19. This was a very thought provoking post. Have you ever talked to any remaining family members? My husband knew very little about his Dad after his Mom died...but we've been talking to people and finding little bits of stories that help fill in at least some of the blanks!

    Thank you for linking.

    You always humble me with your insite.

    A+

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  20. My dad would NOT talk about his family or his life, either. When I went to New Orleans and started researching the family I, very sadly, found out why. His youth was tragical to put it mildly.

    My “D” had to be “delinquent”. I did not do the post I was so tired. Need to write Teacher a little note.

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  21. Sounds like there is a special connection and bond between you and your dad, good for you.

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  22. I never bonded with mine. It was awkward and painful. I wish yours had been better and longer. You deserve better.

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