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Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Love Stink

The trip home was a mixed of despair and sadness. I was dumb-founded! What happened to the man who wanted to take me and ran away? What happened to "I'll never ever forget you"? Did all those feelings die in four months? His note was like a smack in my face! A good one! And I took it without flinching!

Growing up with my aunt all through my childhood had given me no voice. I was gladly be a shadow, and just took whatever happened without questions. I accepted everything with a mental endorsement that I deserved it, all of them! Therefore, his note was just another bad rejection of life and I accepted with an emotional torment of my own doing.


I got physically ill for the second time, and this time it took a whole month. The doctor couldn't find anything wrong with me, and I began to loose weight to the point of no mercy. I was so weak that I couldn't stand on my own two feet. I flunked the second semester at the college, and ended up having to drop out.

Combining my childhood and my teen years, it was at this time that I realized I had no identity. I struggled to understand life, my life! I felt no love growing up, and this man came wrapping around me with love, promises, and hopes. I took him to heart, and from there he also ripped my heart to pieces.


Again, life went on! I began to write short stories, and poems! I sent them to all the Vietnamese (my natural language) magazines around the country, and became known as one of the most promising young writers in the writing community. I didn't make any money but being recognized as a talented writer giving me a sense of confident, self-worth, appreciated, and building an image of me.

I avoided writing about him or expressed any feelings for this man in my writing. I killed him off as fast as he had killed me. My thought was that he didn't deserve my attention, not even a little bit, and it wasn't real love. He was just a liar, and was a bad person!

Moreover, I took our little notebooks, put them in a box, and filed it away in the basement. I refused to look at them after Christmas 1977...

I'm literally taking these memes Pour Your Heart Out, and Walk Down Memory Lane to the max!

(Read this series at Heart Of a Woman..)





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10 comments:

  1. WOW! This is so sad. Can I slap him? I am sure he had no idea of the devastation he caused.

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  2. Your writings deserve to be recognized...they are so very well written...you truly are talented, and I would never give up that dream.

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  3. I am so glad you began writing as a creative outlet. And found success in it. And continue to do so!

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  4. again... what a story! it is so hard to go through that but I'm sure writing it out is a great way to process, even after all these years... ready for the next part of the story!

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  5. How amazing it must have been to have that recognition for your writing. Especially at a time when you were feeling so lost.

    As always, can't wait to read more!

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  6. I am glad you are writing about him now. While he is and never was worthy of you or your attention - use him for your writing.

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  7. Writing is a very creative outlet. I wish that more people would understand that.

    Don't ever stop writing.

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  8. You are definitely an amazing writer :)

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  9. Oh how sad D:
    I'm just glad you didn't turn into a self hating introvert; but rather, you found yourself and published some writing. You give me hope for the world.

    Xoxo

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  10. I am finally gettting a chance to stop by from Wednesday's walk down Memory lane...

    I agree, you are a wonderful writer! You have experienced heartache and hard times, but that you are able to write and express yourself now of those times and that it seems as if you have been able to move forward...writing seem to be a great release.

    Blessings & Aloha!

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I promise to visit you soon! But if your profile isn't public, and if you use GOOGLE+ comment form, I won't be able to return comment!

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