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Thursday, July 1, 2010

X is For Xanadu

Living in the orphanage made me felt unloved, unwanted, and alone. Though my parents did what they thought was best to protect me, and sheltered me from the cruel world, they had no ideas what actually happened to me.

Back in those days, punishments meant smacking, hitting, and beating. They were acceptable, and condoned. People who were in power, had the right to this physical abuse should they had a victim in mind.


Not all memories were bad and painful though. There were some good times, such as when we were allowed to go to the nearby ocean in the evening. We formed two lines, girls on one side, and boys on another, and marched to the beach after supper. It was our free time. It was our joyous moment.

The beach was our sacred xanadu. It freed our mind, body, and emotions. It allowed us kids to be kids. We roamed the sand looking for little creatures. We jumped the waves and laughed as loud as we could. We watched the sunset in the horizon and dreamed of another world beyond what we could see.


When the lights on the fishing boats lit up, the world became magical and stunning. We gasped "ooh and aah" at the reflections of lights in the water. We counted stars above our head, and felt the cool wet sand under our feet. Those moments that we had, rejuvenating our spirit, and set us free in our soul. However hard life was at the orphanage, just a walking distance away, didn't seem to matter much, and didn't exist.

The beach was a xanadu, a beautiful idyllic place! Troubles, problems, hunger, abuses, endless chores, and hardships disappeared instantly as the wind from the ocean brushed over us. I remembered seeing smiles so big on everyone's face. I remembered watching everyone running all over the beach for those free precious moments.

Each kid immersed in his or her own kingdom of imagination, without any interfering from real life. It was a place of simple ecstasy!

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26 comments:

  1. It sounds lovely. I love the image of the lights reflecting on the water.

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  2. A respite, however brief, from the cruel indignities you suffered. I am glad you had your "Xanadu".

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  3. The beach has been my 'Xanadu' every since the first time i toddled on to it when i was a tiny girl.
    Very good post. I'm sending you a hug, just in case you need a bit of warmth to ease some remembered pain.

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  4. THat is a fabulous Memory Mumsy, and I am so happy you have it!!~ Great X!

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  5. That sounds magical. Would love to have seen it!

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  6. Life is not bowl of cherries for everyone....oh how this statement touched my heart when I read your profile.."Some posts are RAW and only those with a brave soul can handle them"...

    I can so relate to this also...Thanks for sharing your heart with us,,EVEN the RAW...I find I am more drawn to people that are 'real', who share the nitty gritty of life, not making it all sound like it's a bowl of cherries....I did a post awhile back and had a pic of a bowl of cherries. I stated that sometimes in life, you just need to buy some cherries and place them in a bowl to look at it for a bit before eating them...looking upon them and being touched somewhat...

    Blessings to you this day!!

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  7. so glad that there was some light and happiness for you :D

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  8. I'm glad you had a Xanadu though I wish you had been blessed with a less painful childhood!

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  9. The ocean is my Xanadu, too.

    =)

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  10. This is such a touching post & so clever for X. It must have been hard to write so thank you for sharing!

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  11. I'm so glad you found your own personal Xanadu, even if was only for short periods of time. I love the image of you all running and playing on the beach without a care for awhile. Great story! Kat

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  12. Xanadu is a place that you go then you need to escape, glad you had such a place.

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  13. glad to learn about your "Xnada"..

    best wishes!
    you deserve happiness.

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  14. Such a clever choice for a word - Xanadu! Loved your recollections and now when I think of my "escape", I will also recall yours.

    Take care & God bless!

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  15. I am glad to read that there were some happy moments in your childhoood Mumsy, even if they were far too few.

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  16. Ah, glad you had this. We all need something to hope for. You probably hoped for this a lot.

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  17. I love that you found Xanadu, if even for brief moments.

    I suspect those shining lights helped illuminate many dark hours for you.

    This gave me comfort knowing you had these times, Mumsy.

    Your story, as always, compells and fascinates me.

    Thank you for sharing your heart with us.

    A+

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  18. I'm pleased that you did have some good times. Great X post mumsy.

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  19. Thank heaven for such good memories to help offset the bad.

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  20. though not in an orphanage i can relate to similar events...and how true that we can create places of refuge (Xanadu) in our minds that stay forever and we can retain that place of refuge....great post..

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  21. A child's pain...an innocent...this to me embarks the greatest of mankind's cruelty.

    It is with regret that I offer the apologies of those mistreated you...and a sense of bitter relief that you found one solace...

    Thank you for sharing an X that went to the core.

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  22. I am so glad you had some good times. We all need a Xanadu, the ocean is a wonderful one!

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  23. It is so important for everyone to have a place of freedom and release; a place where there is joy and discovery and a sense of being untouched by the cares of this world. Especially for you, I'm glad you had some chance of escape.

    Thanks for stopping by my post. I'm thinking of posting about New Wine as it happens. (Just depends how busy I get).

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  24. I had to go back to "S" and catch up on reading your posts and it read like such a compelling, bittersweet, sad novel. Are you preparing this for publication? I really think you should. What a mix of emotions you must have felt to have the extra burden of care for your sister, but then also to have her leave again. I love this "X" post. The beach and ocean have always been a place of beauty and peace and joy to me. And I can imagine much more so to you and the other children at the orphanage. Wonderful writing... I could vividly picture it. Thank you.

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