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Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Coming Home

By the time I reached 14, I could no longer tolerate the mean treatments from my aunt. I expressed my wish to come home to my father. I told him that I could take care of myself, and that I was older now. Every time he came to bring me home for the weekend, I refused to go just for three days, and I cried.

My father finally convinced that it was time to bring me home. I went through a long period of depression, and silent. I went from being the top student at the orphanage to the bottom of the list in another Catholic school, though the nuns were much kinder in every way here. I struggled to find a spot in life. I didn't know how to make friends, or how to talk to the girls in my class. I kept to myself. My shadow was my best friend throughout the year.


At home I was surrounded with sisters and brothers, but I didn't really know any of them. I knew they were my siblings, we were blood related, and I love them but the emotional part was disconnected.

I started writing in my journal, and spent lots of time alone just to write. I recorded what happening in my day, living completely in a different world, a beautiful fantasy world, where I was the only existing thing alive. I couldn't recover my disgrace with the low grades that I continued to receive.

Looking at how sad my father was every time he had to sign my report card, my heart torn, and I promised myself to do better next month. I just didn't understand that I was experienced a traumatic distress syndrome! No one did!


Being back at home after a long time needed a little getting used to. I was totally free from all the household chores. I didn't have to do a thing. I just ate, studied, played, prayed, went to church, and wrote in my diary. What happened at the orphanage, left in the orphanage! I didn't tell my parents how my aunt treated me. I just said she was very mean!

I went through the first year back at home not knowing what I supposed to be or supposed to do. My parents sheltered me from all the hardships. I didn't have to walk to school like my siblings; my father always gave me a ride. I didn't have to help in the kitchen like my sisters; mother would not allow me.

It was a confusing time, but I was home at last...

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17 comments:

  1. I'm glad you got to go home at last.

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  2. Hi Mumsy....I am home now from vaca and catching up. Your stories always take me in, like I want to read more, even though I find them sad, I feel a much happier woman is writing them, someone who is free from her past and telling her story for us to learn from....I have to go see what I have missed....

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  3. Post traumatic stress is truly difficult to deal with and you were only a child. How would you know, and not knowing made it worse.

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  4. I wonder if your parents had some inkling that something terrible had happened to you while there because of the fact that you didn't have to do anything when you came home. I'm so happy that at age 14 you were able to get away from that dreadful place. Hopefully, by telling your story it has helped you to release some of the pain and trauma.

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  5. Another powerful post. PTSD is no fun especially when it's not diagnosed so those around you don't know what's wrong. How tough to be so young and hurting with no one to turn to. So glad you made it back home.

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  6. Home at last. Sorry there was so much pain before and after.

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  7. It's wonderful to know that you finally escaped that dreadful place, but heartbreaking to know how much pain you were in with no one to help you through it. I just hope that coming home was a way for you to begin healing. Kat

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  8. How terrible! I'm glad it had a good ending.

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  9. I am relieved to know that you made it home at last ... i hope you found your place at home.

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  10. It was probably a blessing that you started writing early and got a lot out and on to paper...blessings...bkm

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  11. Good to read that you were home at last and under less stress. But as I understand it, you had a long road of recovery ahead of you.

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  12. It's a great place, today's world isn't it? Back then, no one really pays attention to the mental health, and what drama could do to a person. Glad I am finally hearing some normality with your life journal.

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  13. We have family members suffering from PTSD, it's such a hard thing to watch, but we try to help them with love and encouragement and much prayer. Journaling is very cathartic for some... I pray you are finding some release through this. Lord bless you, dear. :)

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  14. I wish you could have gone home sooner. I'm sorry to hear that things were so difficult once you came back.

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  15. My heart is still hurting from reading this line: My shadow was my best friend throughout the year.

    What a beautiful and poignant addition to our Alphabet Soup this week.

    I have so enjoyed your story thus far and I'm really hoping you continue as we go into summer school and then begin A-T again!

    Thank you for sharing your heart with us Mumsy.

    A+

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  16. Such a heart breaking story. I'm glad you were able to share it.
    Cee

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  17. Dear Mumsy... I have read your story from A-Coming Home... it brought many tears to my eyes, both tears of sorrows and Joys as you experienced them. To share such a personal story as this is a Ministry to others more than you may know. God Bless you always...

    Dawn... The Bohemian

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