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Saturday, July 31, 2010

Beautiful Pink Daisy


I love daisies since they are easy to grow, and some varieties even come back years after years. The lady at a local garden told me this is another kind of daisies, but she wasn't sure what they exactly are.


I did a search and found out that they're called Blue-Eyed Daisy! It explains why the heart of this flower has a tint of blue on them. You can easily grow this blue-eyed daisy from seeds and they are quick to bloom.


I love the shape of the petals! They look full, round, and healthy. The caregiver at the garden told me that they are excellent to grow in pots, use as border, need to be in dry area, and well drained soil.





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Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Rainbow Summer School-Red Text

The couple sits across the table in a small restaurant looking intensely on each other's faces. The world seems to dissipate around them and their eyes are fixed. He lays his hands across the table nonchalantly as she does the same.

Their flesh is inches away from touching. A desperate temptation runs through their vein, and the thrill of the forbidden world rises.

"Vince..." She whispers his name as soft as her breath.

"Lil..." He responds in the same manner.

"We made it!" They both chanted after the names left their lips.


Twice a year, they drove hundreds of miles for an outing, and just for a chance to see each other. Yes, they were lovers in the past, and yes, they still love each other, but that was all they have.

Their union is pure, and their affair has no physical contact whatsoever! They enjoy being in the other's company, sharing life stories, talking about dreams, and most of all, feeling the wonder of love.

The adrenalin pumps in their hearts! The sheer joy of being together for a couple of days gives them the drive to function until next time.

Lil plays with her mobile phone, as her fingers start typing.

"I'm so hot right now that skinny-dipping sounds good!"

"You are skinny-dipping, right here..." Vince replies

Lil looks up at Vince, as he points to his head. Her cheeks feel warm! Her whole body droops into the seat. Just once, she thought, just once falling freely into his arms! How great would that be? How happy it would make both of them?

They know that if they break that barrier then their longing and their love wouldn't be the same.

Playfully, Lil texts back, "What am I doing?"

"A lap dance!" Vince answers

Blood rushes to their faces, and they both turn as red as beet!

Linking this post to Rainbow Red at Jenny Matlock!

Thanks for being here!

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Words Of Love

We both kept a little notebook to write our thoughts while we were away from each other. After his plan failed short, I had no hope of seeing him ever again. He couldn't call my house, and I couldn't call his seminary! We had no way of getting in touch without the other getting into trouble.

Through this little notebook that he sent to me to another address, I learned that while I was sick, he had to deal with the heartache also. He wrote how disappointed he was with his plan, how sad it was for him not able to see me, and how he would have to live without me. He wandered the street for a couple of days, and stopped writing in the notebook because it was too much pain that it caused him to cry. That was all I knew after he left.


In the fall of 1977, I signed up at a local college for classes. I plunged in with both hand and feet. Life went on as if nothing had happened. Love came and went like seasons changed. I tucked him in the corner of my heart and soul. I carried his promise, "You are the first and last girl in my life" as though it was in the bible.

I met new boys, and I flirted with new boys but when it got a bit serious, I backed out by the sheer fear of pain. I never thought that love could bring such devastation to my being. I missed him, missed his kisses, and missed the way he looked at me. Most of all, I just missed being with him, including all the laughter and tears.


I fed my mental with the note that I received from him! It seemed to be enough to know that he loved me too, even when we were apart, and had no future! I read it thousands of times! It went with me everywhere. It slept under my pillow! The note was him in a physical form! It was my only connection to this man who I've loved more than I knew how to love.

In our last rendezvous, he told me to forget about him since I was still young and there would be plenty of others waiting, though "this would make me sad", he said! However, after slipped the birthday card to me, and before he walked out of the door, he muttered, "Don't forget me!"

I nodded, and I've not forgotten him throughout the year...

I'm literally taking these memes Pour Your Heart Out, and Walk Down Memory Lane to the max!

(Read this series at Heart Of a Woman..)





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Monday, July 26, 2010

Heart-Talk Monday-Publishing Companies

I have been checking out different self-publishing companies online, and still have a vague idea where I want to publish my Childhood series! Nevertheless, I have nailed down three potential sites and they are CreateSpace, Lulu, and Blurb!

I know a number of bloggers have chosen to self-publish their books, and each one had a different favorite site. My biggest concern is to stay on the little financial budget in the process. I won't be a millionaire in the sales of my book, though it would be a great dream come true kind of sort!


However, I thought of this series as MY VOICE to reach out to others, and to let them know that if they ever felt this way, or experienced something I had to go through; that they are not alone! Think of all the abused children out there, and the emotional turmoil that they go through. Many have found help, but many might never have.

Writing has always been therapeutic to me, and pretty much saved my sanity! I choose words to be my therapy and accept what happened to me as shaping who I am today. I can't change the past, but I can learn from it and hopefully help others that have no voice.

Thanks for being here!

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Korean Spice Viburnum


These little buds are called Korean Spice Viburnum! The plant sat among many other plants at the Home Depot parking lot, and it looked different. I was drawn to it by their tiny little pink buds.


They opened up into these beautiful little white flowers with the yellow hearts. The Korean Spice Viburnum blooms in clusters the size of a grape fruit, and they are used to decorate border or for woodland garden.

This shrub is ideal for small spaces of about 3-4 feet of planting area, and grows up 4-5 feet tall. The flowers have a sweet-smelling to them and the foliage turns bright scarlet in mid autumn.


The Korean Spice Viburnum prefers well-drained soil, with mildly acidic in full sun to partial shade. The berries are a favorite for birds in late September.

This post is linked to  Today Flowers!




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Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Coming Home

By the time I reached 14, I could no longer tolerate the mean treatments from my aunt. I expressed my wish to come home to my father. I told him that I could take care of myself, and that I was older now. Every time he came to bring me home for the weekend, I refused to go just for three days, and I cried.

My father finally convinced that it was time to bring me home. I went through a long period of depression, and silent. I went from being the top student at the orphanage to the bottom of the list in another Catholic school, though the nuns were much kinder in every way here. I struggled to find a spot in life. I didn't know how to make friends, or how to talk to the girls in my class. I kept to myself. My shadow was my best friend throughout the year.


At home I was surrounded with sisters and brothers, but I didn't really know any of them. I knew they were my siblings, we were blood related, and I love them but the emotional part was disconnected.

I started writing in my journal, and spent lots of time alone just to write. I recorded what happening in my day, living completely in a different world, a beautiful fantasy world, where I was the only existing thing alive. I couldn't recover my disgrace with the low grades that I continued to receive.

Looking at how sad my father was every time he had to sign my report card, my heart torn, and I promised myself to do better next month. I just didn't understand that I was experienced a traumatic distress syndrome! No one did!


Being back at home after a long time needed a little getting used to. I was totally free from all the household chores. I didn't have to do a thing. I just ate, studied, played, prayed, went to church, and wrote in my diary. What happened at the orphanage, left in the orphanage! I didn't tell my parents how my aunt treated me. I just said she was very mean!

I went through the first year back at home not knowing what I supposed to be or supposed to do. My parents sheltered me from all the hardships. I didn't have to walk to school like my siblings; my father always gave me a ride. I didn't have to help in the kitchen like my sisters; mother would not allow me.

It was a confusing time, but I was home at last...

Visit other entries at Jenny's blog, by clicking on the image below!


(Read my Childhood Series here!)





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Love Sick

At 19, I was naive and believed in love! He was the first boy ever in my life. I knew he was a seminarian, but I didn't know why we both proceeded in a relationship that already had an ending written into it.

On my birthday, he left for his home town, and gave me a small greeting card swore that he would never forget me or the memories that he had with me. He decorated the front of the card with our initials intertwined into each other. I didn't cry and didn't show any emotions, but my heart was ripped apart in silence.



According to his plan, he would go to a seminary in Indiana for the upcoming school year, and he would drive to visit me on the weekends. I begged him to forget about us, and just concentrated on his studies. He was adamant that he couldn't live without me. We both cried. We both felt in the bittersweet of love, not knowing what to do.

His mother was determined that he had to become a priest no matter what. My family believed that no man could love a physically handicap person. Our mental stage was full of negative outcomes. We ran into one dead-end after another. Everything and everyone in life were against us being together.



A few days later, he called my brother with a bad new, and that his application at Indiana seminary failed through. He wouldn't be moving to Indiana anymore. The new came as if someone had just hit my head with a baseball bat. I felt physically ill. My inside was ripped right out of my body.

I was sick for two straight weeks, and all I had was just tears! I missed him in ways that he would never know. I missed him as if I could die. Our love affair had a deeper impact on me than I thought possible. I went to sleep with his image in my mind, and I woke up with his image in my head. He was everywhere!

The thought of him sent a pain through my entire body. I called out his name! I screamed in my throat for his being as if I screamed long and hard enough that he would return to me. The little girl in me believed in real love, one that would sustain for life...

I'm literally taking these memes Pour Your Heart Out to the max!

(Read this series at Heart Of a Woman..)





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Monday, July 19, 2010

Heart-Talk Monday



I'm contemplating on self-publishing my Childhood Series, but as I looked over these 26 pieces, I realized that they did not complete the whole pictures. However, when relying on memories of more than 40 years ago, they were as close as I could remember.

I love the Alphabe-Thursday series, hosted by Jenny Matlock. I jumped into it without knowing what or where I would go, but it took on a life of its own. While many other bloggers opt for airy fun things, I went straight for the heart.

I have met many wonderful bloggers through this Alphabe-Thursday! Some have become faithful friends, and some have gone, but this is blogland and I don't expect anything at all. Thank you Jenny!

So, what do you think? Should I go ahead and start working on self-publishing my Childhood Series? Or should I wait for Godot to come knocking on my door and buy my story?

Have a great week everyone!

Thanks for being here!

Friday, July 16, 2010

Soak In Pollen


In front of my house, by the sidewalk, this beautiful chicory are growing like weed, well yes they are considering weed anyhow. I have falling in love with them when I first see them. While taking this picture, a bee lands right in the middle.


It was too busy going after the pollen to bother with me. I didn't see any of those "white stuffs" until I upload the pictures.


I love the curvy things in the heart of this flower, and as you can see the bee was very contented inside. I love macro setting since I can see so much more details.


After the bee had enough, he came out and looked at me. His body was covered with white dots. It was an incredible sight to see.

This post is linked to Camera Critters, and Today Flowers!

Thanks for being here!

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Z is for Zeal

My aunt was an exceptional nun with her constant quest to save abandoned children, and helped the homeless people around the orphanage. She took them in, gave them a place to stay, fed them, and turned their lives around.

Her zeal (passion, fervor, keenness) was well known throughout the area, and she hardly ever turned anyone away. Many had taken in because of her kindness, generosity, and caring. Yes, this was the image people had of her. A nun that loved to serve God's people! She was a real daughter of God.


For most part of my life, I didn't understand why she couldn't love me, or treated me half way decent as she had treated others. The only reason I could conjure up was that she resented me for being a handicap and a burden to my parents, especially her sister, my mother. There was something about my being that just ticked her off. It might not be a valid reason, but it was the only answer I could think of.

I couldn't make myself smaller in her eyes so she wouldn't notice me. I avoided any run in with her when I spotted her in the distance, but my destiny had its own way. She could always summon for me any time, for any reason. I felt zero love, zero caring, and zero kindness from my aunt, but I knew she could love, care and be gentle.


Everywhere my aunt was assigned to, she left a legend of a great nun! She built up an orphanage from virtually nothing, and she was a great contributor to the society. Abandon children had a safe haven, homeless people had a roof over their heads, and her seminarians became great humanitarians!

I admired her strength, her courage, and her devotion to do the work for God's people. Her zeal for her ministry was extraordinary, and inspired many young seminarians. I wanted to be her and I wanted to be a nun like her at one point, without the mean streaks of course!

(Thank you Jenny for hosting this wonderful prompt! You are the best teacher!)

Visit other entries at Jenny's blog, by clicking on the image below!


(Read my Childhood Series here!)





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Wednesday, July 14, 2010

A Forbidden Love

Everyone has, at least, one great memory of love, and mine was back when I was a teenager at 18. We met in the summer of 1977. Neither one of us wanted to fall in love, and knew that it wouldn't work out since both sides of our families would against this union.

However, we continued our friendship, and gradually fell in love! We sneaked around for our rendezvous on Saturdays when both of us didn't have to work. It was a sinful affair even though we didn't do anything wrong. In Asian's culture, when the families didn't approve, the chance of a relationship was doomed.



On top of that, he was a seminarian from another State, and came to spend the summer with my brother. He was already 19, needing to find his way in life and testing out his calling. I was not supposed to be a part of his grand scheme, or maybe I was the test that he must get over. Whatever it was, we didn't defeat the temptation, and just plunged right into love.

My family suspected our involvement, but in front of people, we were as cold as ice to one another. We couldn't be together, we couldn't talk, we didn't dare to look at one another, and we pretended so well that they all thought we hated each other. It was an awful situation to live in, and for a first love it was not at all beautiful.



Throughout the entire time of our relationship, we learned to steal the smallest moment when we crossed paths. It was either a gentle touching of our fingers, or a quick kiss on the cheek, or his hand ran down my hair! We both didn't question how we felt for one another. We just loved, gave love and received love. We didn't even care how it would end when he had to go back to the seminary!

In two short months of our union, there were plenty of tears and laughter. There were memories of our outings that I cherished. There were moments that tore our hearts apart. We didn't dare to dream of the future or what it could be, or how we would live without one another.

Before the summer came to an end, he planned on making long road trip on the weekends to come and to see me. I lived on that hope! On the day I turned 19, he left for the seminary...

I'm literally taking these memes Pour Your Heart Out, and Walk Down Memory Lane to the max!

(Read this series at Heart Of a Woman..)





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Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Metamorphosis


Like poisonous mushrooms
You enter my blood
Slowly but surely
Put me in a trance

My body soaks in
Your kisses of dead
Roaming in my vein
Slow down my own breath

All living cells halt
Red blood turns to blue
Imprint on my flesh
Sucking out my spirit

Like poison mushroom
You died and came back
I weave fantasy tales
For the love was dead!

You're young and honest
Lasted for a short time
Then poison you inject
I distrust heart of man!

Thanks for being here!

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Shoo Fly...Don't Bother Me!


I know, I know! Fly is the last insect that anyone wants to see, and I'm certainly not fond of them. However, they are part of God's creations, and they have their own purpose on this earth.


They came out in great numbers when the weather is warm, and they are ready to dive in when there is a smell in the air. Yes, they are the nuisance of summer, but they do have pretty colors on them. Can you see?


I'm not sure if they feed on pollen, but my marigold flower has plenty of them visiting. Photographing this fly isn't that easy since the fly away as soon as they see my shadow.



I love anything with water drops on it, and this marigold was soaked after the rain. The sun came out to give it a sparkle look.

Have a great weekend!

This post is link to Camera Critters, and Today Flowers!

Thanks for being here!

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Y is For Yarn

Since the orphanage had to fund itself, everyone who stayed in this compound had to carry their own weight. From nuns, to seminarians, to children, to adult workers, we all constantly have to produce handmade items to sell at the market.

We were taught to knit, crochet, embroidering, and sewing. Each person had their own list to do. In general, the men handled wood working, and produced all kinds of figurines or anything that was marketable to the public. The women made scarves, hats, handkerchiefs, baby dresses, baby blankets, and other things.


I learned how to knit, to crochet, to embroil, and to sew, but making hats and scarves were my forte. I produced these items faster than anyone could. I mixed the colors, designed a pattern, and came up with eye-catching items. Soon after, I was put in charge of teaching newcomers. This great assignment became a blessing for the pure joy of getting to know others. Otherwise, it was silence and dull chore.

I loved the feel of yarn between my fingers, and I loved the thought of a ball turning into something useful, beautiful, and unique. We had just one type of yarn in every color of the rainbow. It was up to us to use our imagination to create extraordinary things.


Knitting with yarn was my favorite pastime since my mind was busy with keeping the numbers of rows, the different stitches, and the pattern at hand. It calmed the chattering noises that lived inside my head. It gave me a break from the constant feeling of hatred toward my aunt. The older I grew, I more intense the feeling grew, and it got too heavy that sometimes I could not breathe.

The yarn rescued me from those moments of just wanting to plunge my fist at my torturer! I learned to love knitting, crocheting, and yarn.

Visit other entries at Jenny's blog, by clicking on the image below!


(Read my Childhood Series here!)





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Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Orange Orchids


Wake up, earth
Wake up, moon
The earth is singing
An amazing tune!


In the gentle wind
Whispering of love
Vision of beauty
Singing in glory!




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