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Thursday, June 3, 2010

T is For Toy

Do you remember in my previous posts, I mentioned about a white toy dog that Captain Cook gave me after my near dead experience? That dog was as precious as gold to me, and it was my first real toy ever. I only got to play with it while I was at the hospital.

The toy dog immediately was in my aunt's possession when I got back to the orphanage. I never got to touch it again unless Captain Cook came to visit, which also became less and less. He often had to go on duties far away, and I overheard my aunt told other nuns that he also went back to America for a while.


That white toy dog was the only physical connection I had with Captain Cook. For some reasons unknown to a young child, I longed for it! I missed it to tears some times. I missed the little blue comb that came with the dog. I missed stroking the long silky white fur on its body!

My aunt took it and kept it for herself. I looked for my dog in her quarter when I had to clean, but never find where she hid my toy at all. I just wanted to look at it. The white toy dog was my only comfort to a world that was so terrible to me. It brought me the kind of love that I craved for, even if it was just in my head.


I lost my white toy dog and Captain Cook at the same time. It was devastated to say the least to my young mind. My life went on, and my hope went flat with the harsh reality. I stopped looking for my dog, and I stopped looking for Captain Cook also.

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18 comments:

  1. Your aunt had control issues and I'm so sorry you had to experience that.

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  2. OH Mumsy that breaks my heart. I remember getting my first special toy when I got my tonsils out....I understand that feeling of comfort. So sweet you remember it so vividly. I wish you could see him again.

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  3. I admire you so much for getting these memories out and in the light of day. It is only by doing so we can let go of the pain of the past.

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  4. i keep waiting for things to turn around for you!

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  5. Oh dear,

    Sending a hug to you, hoping you can feel it....

    xxoo

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  6. Your posts about your young life are so cinematic. Sad, but they would make a compelling feature picture.

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  7. We are all in so much need of someone/thing to love. I'm sorry you lost your white toy dog. I hope you now have something or someone much more close.

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  8. I hope you have found love as an adult to fill all those places that went empty as a child! Hugs for you, sweet Mumsy!

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  9. I feel bad that you didn't have the one thing that made you feel safe!

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  10. oh geez ... i can't imagine .... sending you hugs...

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  11. That aunt of yours really had problems. It's a wonder you survived. You must be a very strong woman to have gone through all that and survived.

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  12. oops,
    wish you a better time,
    moving t post!

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  13. For some reason this has almost felt like the saddest part of your story so far to me.

    The loss of the only symbol you had of hope must have been so devastating to you.

    You are a survivor. But I'm sorry you had to experience this sadness.

    Hugs and...

    A+

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  14. What a doubly tough time that must have been for you ~ losing two connections to something outside of the awful world you were inhabiting.

    Thank you for dropping by my place and dropping a little bit of cheer there.

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  15. Mumsy, I cannot imagine what or why your aunt felt that would cause her to act that way. I am so glad you were able to pull from this mire any semblance of compassion, morality, integrity, self survival, creativity, and love.

    Take care & God bless.

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  16. I can't help but wonder what happened in your aunt's life to make her that way. She certainly seems to have enjoyed being mean to a helpless child. Why would someone be that way?

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  17. Ouch! The loss of hope. Not much worse than that.

    For years, I have lived with a simple axiom: Everyone need something to do, something to love and something to hope for.

    Pray tell you have something to hope for now.

    And you learned what that toy dog represented.

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  18. Mumsy, it is a sad part of your life. The witch didn't seem to have any feelings beyond the shallowness that prompted her evil behaviors.

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