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Thursday, May 13, 2010

Q is For Quiet Quitting

As my friends tugged and pulled on the gate, I tried as hard as I could to squeeze through the opening of the hole, but it was to no vail. I even crawled on the ground trying to fit myself through the hole when we thought that it was bigger at the bottom of the gate. We tried all the different directions, different positions, and different possible ways, but nothing worked out for us.

Time had also run out! If we were to escape, we must be far away from the orphanage by 5:00 o'clock, since many people were up to do their chores at that hour. We had lost an hour trying to get me through the gate, but my friends wouldn't give me up until I begged them to.

In my desperation, I saw my parents' faces of sadness, worried, and painful expressions. I also knew my friends deserved a better life than in this orphanage, and didn't want to hold them back.


I gave in to my destiny! I rushed my girl friends to quickly run! They had no time left to make the distance that needed to not get caught and brought back. We cried quiet tears. We took in each other faces for the last time. We surrendered to defeat. We swallowed the bitter taste of quitting. Our hearts ripped into pieces.

I pulled my body back into this side of the gate as my friends slowly walked away with tears streaming down on all of our faces. They walked with their heads turning back toward me. I stood at the gate waving good-bye until I couldn't see their shadows anymore. That was the last time I ever saw them in my life.


The first two letters arrived a few weeks later. They made it to the big city, and settled in a rented house, and of course, with an invitation for me to join them there any time, but we all knew that was an impossible task for me to achieve by myself. Then they either stopped sending letters, or the letters were confiscated. I never heard from them again!

Life in the orphanage without my two best friends were very depressing. I was already 13, and refused to talk or to even interact with anyone. I only used my big head to shake for no, and to nod for yes in answering after that night.

Everything changed after my friends ran away. Nothing seemed to make sense. The beating and punishments also became painless to my numb skin. I withdrew from life and took on a silent vow!

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25 comments:

  1. so very poignant. my heart pains for you.

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  2. The fact that you remain a strong adult woman when you've had hopes dashed your entire life is admirable!

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  3. Mumsy this gave me goose bumps and tears right now to be honest. What a brave kind soul you are. I bet those friends still think of you til this day.

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  4. Wouldn't it be wonderful if somehow these friends found your blog. I so hope this happens for you.

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  5. I skipped ahead to yours, because I wanted to find out what happened. I'm sorry you had to let your friends go. And it was huge that you sent them on without you. I know it must have been heartbreaking for all of you (but especially you). It sounds like that was pretty much the end, that after that you died inside.

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  6. Is this for real? Are you just making this up or has your life been this tough, hard and lonely?
    If this is a real account of your life, then you have my admiration for your strength now as an adult. What a feat, for you to get through your childhood and youth!
    Blessings,
    Anna
    http://annasadornments.blogspot.com/2010/05/q-as-in-quilts-quartz-abc-wednesday.html

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  7. What a tough existence! I am glad you have been able to get past it.

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  8. so sorry to hear that you couldn't get away!

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  9. you know ... i just want to give you a great big hug

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  10. I just wanted to tell you, I was so touched by this story, I even talked about it with my husband after I read it, and I read so many blogs I really do not talk about them with him, he would be hearing it day and night....I would really love it if one of these gals found you, gosh that would be bittersweet to me, and I bet for you too.

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  11. Wow this is amazing that you can retell this thank you for sharing

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  12. So sad, and so brave of you to make them leave. I can't imagine the childhood that you had, and I think it's a sin that any child should go through this kind of deprivation and abuse. Making it even more remarkable that you've become the strong, kind and loving person that you have. Hugs, Kat

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  13. I just love coming here each week. Thank you so much for sharing, your writing is fantastic one almost feels as if they are living it.

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  14. Oh Sweet Mumsy!
    That is just almost unbearably painful even just to read. If it is autobiographical ... life shouldn't be that hard. Especially for children. I know that's not realistic but ...

    I'm sorry ...

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  15. Mumsy, what a brave and heroic friend you are.

    Your act of selflessness was true heroism.

    You are a wonder!

    I always look forward to your continuing story each week Mumsy!

    A+

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  16. How very awful. I was afraid I'd missed the rest of the telling of your story! Everyone has already said what a remarkable life you've had, and they are right.

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  17. Another poignant chapter. Your story is amazing. Lovely flower images, Mumsy!

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  18. My wish for you is that somehow with each word that you write that you heal even a fraction of an ounce more.

    Bless you, Mumsy! What a life!

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  19. I cant even imagine what your friends must have meant to you and to lose them? How devastating......

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  20. Hi there Mumsy..well this was an engaging read! You didn't mention (or did you somewhere else..and I missed it) how your friends (I'm gathering they had to be the same age), anyway, how did they end up in a rented house? Who met them or took them in? Regards, Regina-

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  21. Such an inspiring post...to be real...to be sure. I hope to visit you again and would love to have you visit me sometime...I like the photos...are they yours? Peace and blessings

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  22. Oh, Mumsy, what a generous soul you are to send them on without you. I pray for you each time I read an installment of your story.

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  23. Hi everyone,

    The hope of reunited with these two ladies were vanished a long time ago..It has been more than 40 years for us..I'm not sure if they are even alive.

    Jeff Campbell,

    All the pictures on my blog, are mine!

    Kilauea Poetry,

    Yes, I did mentioned my friends in another post..They were 2-3 years older than me. They rented the house to live..on their own and worked to pay for it..They were 16 when they ran away from the orphanage!

    Thank you all for coming to visit! I appreciate your support..

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  24. Mumsy, thanks for the response, wow..I will read more! Just that I didn't mention anything about your flowers here on this post- they are gorgeous and look so artistic!!

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  25. Mumsy, to be so old, when you were so young! It is truly a miracle that you are alive and sane now. You have more compassion and strength than many.

    Take care & God bless!

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