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Tuesday, April 27, 2010

The Tattoo On My Forehead

Some times I feel like I'm wearing a tattoo on my forehead that said "abuse me!" Go ahead, take it all out on me whenever your life seems out of control or you're unhappy. It's sucks, big time! I know and understand quite well when life is messed up.

I tried all the possible ways or reasons to avoid conflict, complication, confrontation or whatever to live as normal and as peaceful as I can, but trouble/problem keeps finding me. I take a really good look at myself and my life, and I don't cause any trouble/problem to others.


In fact, I try to help others with whatever I can do in my own capacity. I know the effect of karma. I've seen it! I've experienced it! Good and bad! All my life, the biggest issue for me is when someone thinks that he/she has the right over another human. The rights to force oneself on another, to bully other with fear, to abuse mentally, physically, and emotionally.

This is the stage I'm at now. It's like a nightmare that will never stop when it comes to the X. He is forcing himself on to the part of my life that I desperately want to keep sacred: my church! This "dufus" has no interests in religion, and always has a mocking or two when it comes to religious belief.


Now, suddenly he wants to come to my church and be a part of my little boy's activity in his Youth Group after nine years. I can see it right through him! He feels as if he has very little control left with my boy and me. So the only way left for him to exercise his obsession is to demand to be part of our sacred Sunday.

Is it all right for me not to want him in my church? Do I have at least one right to keep that part of life for myself? I have shared everything else already, and I just want one special place to call mine. I don't want to see his shadow in my church. I want my church to be cleaned of my past. I want a spot for myself and my soul, without him in it!!!

Is there anyone who could understand me out there?

This post is linked to True Story Tuesday!

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14 comments:

  1. Oh sweetie! Your feelings are yours and yours alone. You have every right to feel what you feel. I will say a prayer for you today. God bless.

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  2. No one can tell you what is right for you to feel or do. You have to know what's in your own heart.

    I do understand how you feel about wanting something that is just yours, but, if it winds up not being church, can you create a new sacred mother/son activity?

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  3. I don't think that's too much to ask. Sounds like a very tough situation. Chin up, though... maybe attending will rub off on him in a positive way?

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  4. I understand. Maybe you just have to tell him no you don't want him there.

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  5. Is there any hope that by participating in the church, he might have his dick-ish tendencies at least ameliorated? I hope so.

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  6. Mumsy, I completely understand and believe he has no right. You know I am dealing with my own barrier and distance issues right now. Do what you need to safeguard your heart and that of your son. It is your right. It is your obligation. But I'm so sorry trouble like this keeps finding you.

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  7. Well, i feel for you ... it is indeed a difficult situation ... just carry on as if he isn't there ... just be strong and enjoy your sundays despite his shadow. wishing you peace ...

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  8. That is a hard situation - I am sorry that it puts you in an uncomfortable position.

    Ultimately God is the only one who can help change someone's heart. Hope it will be resolved without any hurt.

    Take care,
    Rachel

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  9. I can totally respect your feelings Mumsy. Perhaps this may be a good thing, maybe by letting God into his life he may become a better person. Considering you do have to deal with him for the rest of your life. Not sure how to look at it, I feel for your feelings!

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  10. We can't help how we feel, but we can pray for God to make us accepting of the situation. Sometimes if we pray for our hearts to be changed the whole situation is resolved. Not saying that you're wrong in any way, shape, or form but maybe suggesting a different way to pray.

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  11. i like that Mumsy, do you mind if I join true story tuesday? I like real stuff. it feels so honest. I like being bloody honest.

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  12. Mumsy, you absolutely have the right to your feelings. And I totally understand wanting to have your own special "space" away from this person. The best you can do is try to ignore him and carry on as you always do. Perhaps if he see's he's not having a negative effect, he'll go away. Kathy

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  13. Hello ladies,

    Thank you for taking the time to comfort me..Many of you suggested that I let him into my church, but knowing this person, it's all about the control...No church, no service, no religion can rub off any good on him. Believe me!

    SelfSagacity,

    You're welcome to it any time! Just let me know when. Thank you!

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  14. Mumsy, his intentions are not what they should be clearly, but it is God's house and God is the one in control there. He will soon see that his spoiled behavior will not win out here. If he sees little to no reaction from you he will grow tired of his little game and go back to the planning board.

    I once heard that it is good to have our enemies close at hand, where we can watch them, and here Godly people can help watch him.

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