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Friday, April 16, 2010

Fragment Journal

***Guest Post by JL***

I've gone to the thrift store to fill my empty heart. I find here a trinket to replace the daily hugs I do not get, a used pair of earrings to remind me that I deserve beauty and a used jacket to replace the warmth I do not find in your words. I long for something to remind me that I am of value. I work hard for my money. I use most of it to pay our bills and really cannot afford the dollar or two I spend here. It ticks me off that I cannot afford to spend a dollar or two, but you have an abundance of money to spend on your entertainment. Buying these little things make me happy, if only for the moment. It is my temporary "fix".


I treat you to some of the goodies you crave and purchase and prepare your favorite foods, (even though I cannot afford these either) but never receive acknowledgment for this. I never hear a thank you uttered from your lips. My heart is an aching cavern, lonely and wanting...I don't go to bars. I don't drink. I don't use drugs. I don't cheat on you. I shop. This is my single indulgence. I accumulate belongings, which I will quickly give away if anyone needs them. They have but to mention their need and it is theirs, but what of my needs? A hug, a kind word, a thank you.... What of mine? Do I ask too much? Never mind, I see that strange look in your eyes. They are glazing over and the impatience on your face tells me it is time to go shopping again. The question lingers in my mind "Why did you ever marry me when you would rather be by yourself?"

(Since starting this blog, I have heard many people expressing their wishes for a place to write out their "RAW Thoughts and Feelings", somewhere that is safe to be true and honest to oneself, without fear of steeping on someone's toes! So I offer my space to those close friends that want to "write it out loud"!)

Thanks for being here!


4 comments:

  1. Raw is right; thank you for sharing your heart.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Heartbreaking... though, resonates well as to how we seek to cautiously and frugally fulfill or needs. Have you ever read the book, "Hinds Feet on High Places" by Hannah Hurnard? it's one of my favorites.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hey Mumsy, can you explain Friday fragments to me? Are you given a idea starter? Do you write with someone else? How does it work?

    Hope this finds you well. I love your spring robins.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Mumsy, unfortunately I can relate to your guest writer. A husband that is withdrawn is hard to live with at times. Who would have known marriage could be so lonely.

    I'm curious about the book Steph mentions.

    Take care & God bless.

    ReplyDelete

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