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Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Lost In the Space of Time

A loud knock at the back door startled me, especially when it was later in the evening and I was home alone. As I slowly opened the door, she busted in like lightening! I saw fear on her face. I heard agitation in her voice. I felt anger radiating from her body.

We fell in a mutual sweet embrace. A very short moment to linger on a love that was so pure! She huffed and puffed words of despair, "I want to divorce that bastard!" I heard it loud and clear. I heard it many times before. She was lost in that marriage a long time ago. She was still lost in a relationship that slowly strangled the living life out of her.

I lent her my ears. I offered her comfort. I answered all the questions that she had about divorce, child support, and custody. She pursuit this subject with a passion every once in a while. But at the end, she still decided to stay and hung on for the kids' sake. She had five of them to think about. Two were wheelchair bound. Two had flown the coop, and one teenager boy was still home.

She knew what she wanted, but giving up the life that she was used to is unthinkable, no matter how miserable she had been and felt. I stood by her decision for years. Helpless and bewilder. However, I could also relate so well to her situation. Been there, done that, as the saying went! We were all lost in the space of time.

She just needed venting out. She just wanted someone to stroke her back, and told her everything would be alright, despised all the troubles. She needed personal space, whatever it was! A safe space to let out and released anger, unhappiness, frustrations, and listened to her. Really listened and heard her silent cry. She needed someone who understood her language, shared her pain, and her sorrows.

I respected her space. I gave her the space she needed to dump it all out. After all, that was what friends do, and she was there for me when I went through my hell. Before leaving, she asked, "How do you know when it is time?" I assured her, again and always, "You will know, you will know!"

Thanks for being here!


  1. THat is sad to be that unhappy in a marriage with 5 children. I hope things work out.

  2. a well written, albeit tragic tale. I have a friend struggling too.

  3. Good story. Good pace. Poor woman.

  4. How wise and wonderful a friend you are!

    You are so right, you DO know when the time is right!!

  5. It's about comfort in the sense that many stay in a situation because it is all they know and they fear change. And, you are right, intuition will tell us when the time is right to leave.

  6. Very good story. You captured this situation so well. You can'rt make a decision for someone else. Just be a friend until they are ready.

    Thanks for playing!

  7. Before I divorced I asked a friend how she had foundd the strength and courage to leave. She said when the time comes it is harder to stay then it is to leave. Turns out that she was right.

    Some women, though, end up dead before they ever get to the point where they can walk away. Sometimes intervention is necessary.

  8. Such an awesome story! I can so relate to that.. when I went through that during my divorce only I do not have a friend like YOU or the chap in the story.

    Happy Tuesday!


  9. a sad tale of many a marriage well written. and yes, in situations like that friends are important, if only to lend a shoulder to cry on...

  10. An interesting approach to this week's theme. Surely hope that all that patience paid off.

  11. Indeed, you do know when it's time. Eventually the fear of leaving becomes less than the misery, or fear, or staying and you just know. :)

  12. You are right, she will know. Women know how to give comfort and space. We can nurture without stifling or crowding.


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