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Monday, March 15, 2010

I Hold Myself Responsible

One of my deep secret fears as a parent is that my children would turn out to be like the X. Selfish, inconsiderate, and ill manners! I hold myself responsible for what type of a person they each become. Just as much as I hold his parents responsible for who he has become.

The question is: Can we hold the parents responsible for how our kids turn out? The way they act, the way they talk, or how they handle life can actually tell what they have absorbed through their childhood and parents' teaching or not teaching.

For twenty years, I live with a self-absorbed man who puts himself on top of everyone else. No wait, I take that back! Besides himself, there are his parents, his sister and brothers, but not his wife and his children. Why, I don't know! He has a hold on them as if he was still a child.

I was pretty sure that his parents love the fact that he still needed them too. They didn't bother to question their son why he didn't come back to his own house after work, where his wife and kids were waiting, instead of coming to their house every day. It seemed as though they tried to re-create the past.

Yes, I hold them responsible for who he turns out! I mean, if a person is lack in the thinking part, shouldn't the parents teach him/her something? Say something! Raise a few questions!

With this kind of fear creeping into my thoughts, I constantly have to correct my children when I see an undesirable behavior. As a parent, I think it is my job to teach them the right ways and the wrong ways. If they don't see it or don't agree with my opinions now, at least they have been exposed to the issue, and they could make judgment then.

My children so far have very little trace of the X's behavior. I taught them to be on time, and respect other people's time. I taught them to think before they talk. I taught them to be careful in the words that flying out of their mouths.

Yes, this is my fear! That one day their partners might hold me responsible for their irrational behaviors.

Thanks for being here!


  1. What an awesome issue you discuss. My husband and I just had this very same conversation last night before bed. I feel planting seeds in our children now, help them grow. I want them to be individual healthy Men when they grow up. I do NOT want Momma's boys LOL!~ My husband is not a Momma's boy, however, his Mom did a great job with him, he is kind, loving, responsible person. There are cases that we as Parents do the best we can, then the kids go out into the real world and get in with the wrong crowd. I fear drugs and alcohol more than anything. I talk to my boys now often about those things, and the reasons why not to do it, and the consequences that come with them. It sounds like you are doing a fine fine job...just keep planting those healthy seeds as that is all we can do:) I love this post!

  2. I think many behaviors reflect parenting styles. I also believe that sometimes, no matter how hard you may try, people are wired for certain genetic behaviors to be prominent. You can only do the best with what you know. My fear is that my daughter may suffer what I went through in my 20's. (see tomorrow's post) I have been honest and forthright with her and am hoping that by doing so, I can change the legacy that has been passed from mother to daughter over a couple of generations.

  3. Dear Mumsy, I agree that parenting as a huge and precious responsibility. I know too my weaknesses and lack. So I pray often, that my sons will grow in character, honor, and love with my encouragement and even through all my imperfections.

    Thank you as always for sharing your heart.

  4. It's absolutely a parent's responsibility to teach their children; however, when children get to a certain age, they make conscious decisions concerning how they act, where they go, who they go with and what they do. Parents who think they know, for example, what their teenagers are doing all the time are sadly mistaken.

    Bad manners, like good manners, become a habit. Bad attitudes, like good attitudes, become a habit. Bad behavior, like good behavior, becomes a habit. Each of these things is a choice we make every single day. By the time a teenager is making these choices, no one else is responsible for these choices but the teen.

    The issue then remains that, until a child reaches an age of majority (18 or 21), parents are financially liable.

    Some people are just wired to be selfish or mean or rude, etc.

  5. Parenting is a lifetime obligation.
    We are responsible in a way but still they have choices.

    We just continually lift them up in prayers.


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