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Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Cleansing My Soul

My oldest boy, 24, living in another State called and asked for help with his financial issues. I flatly said no thinking that he got himself in to this mess, and he must work it out by himself. After all, he has a full time job, moves away on his own will, and lives with the people that I disapproved.

There I said it: disapproved! It feels good to just even admit it in word! It's like a confession to cleanse the soul.

The motherly duty in me, wanted to take on his hardship and relieved him of his misery. Then again, the reality hits me! I can't afford to pay my own bills let alone adding on another. He has no ideas how hard life is for me because I have always bailed him out whenever he needed help.

Truth to be told, I resented the fact that he just picked up and moved to another State to live with his girlfriend and her family. I acknowledge the fact that he has to make a life for himself, and it is a normal healthy way.

However, while he takes on the responsibilities with another family, no one is here to help me with anything, and on top of that, I also have to pay for his car insurance and his cell phone. In turn, he literally disappeared without even a phone call for a long time, until he was in trouble.

I'm bitter of course! It is in my human nature to feel abandoned, neglected, and unappreciated!

After assessing my situation, I decide not to take on his burden. I can't afford it! I can't squeeze any more out of my life than I already have. My skin is getting way to wrinkle to worry. I need to start thinking about my future, and my life too. Who will be here for me when I need help?

Maybe it is time for me to learn to be selfish, a little!

Thanks for being here!


  1. Gosh you are so right...and I can only imagine how difficult that was for you. He is 24 years old....when I was his age I was on my own , own rent, own car own one ever gave me a dime!!~ I tell you what.....I would never have it any other way!~ It's tough love, but you are absolutely have to at this point in your life worry about you, take care of you!!~ He will figure it out...

  2. You need to stop paying for his car insurance and cell phone. Those are hefty payments I am sure.

    Secondly, you are LOVING him best by teaching him to be responsible for himself.

    Like Debbie, at 24 I had my own car, a good paying job, a college education that I helped fund, a nice house...

    Take care Mumsy...I know this was hard for you to do but he will thank you later! Love heading your way.

  3. You're doing the right thing, Mumsy, except for paying his ins and cell phone. I'd even stop that. Twenty-four is well old enough. By that age, I was out of the house 6 years, putting myself through college, and engaged. The best thing you can do it push him the rest of the way out of the nest.

    You are doing the hard work that your son needs . . .

  4. Mumsy, you absolutely did the right thing. As a Mother I know it is difficult for you to say no but he's made his choices and he has a job so he has to learn not to lean on you especially when you have your own bills to pay etc... Saying no in these situations is hard but you are also helping him by saying no.

    Take care of yourself and if you need to talk, you contact me.

  5. I support your decision wholeheartedly for two reasons:

    1. You can't afford to do it.

    2. He won't learn how to dig himself out of the holes he puts himself in if you come to his rescue.

    He'll do fine.

  6. My dear ladies,

    I finally took the insurance off but the cell phone has a year contract left..

    Thank you for all your support!


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