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Monday, February 8, 2010

A Puddle of Love

I didn't know then what I knew now that there were many bad signs at the beginning, but I blindly dismissed them all. We were young, naive, believing in love, lonely, and was simply stupid. When I first met him, my instinct was not at ease. Something about him spelled misery. Yet, I fell for him, slowly but surely, I thought of him as my world.

Here was the kick to our relationship; we believed in love! We were no longer lonely, and we naively thought that with love we would concur it all. We made each other love the person we wanted them to be, not as we were. I thought I could change him to be a genuine gentleman. He thought he was my hero saving me from my difficult situation.


It wasn't love. It was a make-do love for two lost souls. He was a strange person, and I was an outcast. Together we made love looked great, sounded good, and believed it beautiful. Two months into the relationship, I had more tears to create a small river than my whole life put together. Everything he did was inappropriate, juvenile, inconsiderate, and selfish.

My experience went from being woke up at two in the morning to receive the biggest earthworm for a present, to stripping for him while he drove down the highway, to giving up our camping trip to go back and greeted his friend. This was how he loved me. This was how I realized that love shouldn't hurt or humiliating or belittled.


For all my adult life, I allowed myself to depend on him, and trusted him to be a better person, maybe even a better man in time. I tried to break through and left many times. However, he was there, begging, promising, crying, swearing that things would be better, and he would change. So the make-shift love continued for more than two decades.

Mental and emotional abuses went on, and three kids later, all the strings finally broke! The marriage dissolved, but the relationship with this man carried on for the sake of the children. Still, his behaviors were still the same in ways of treating me. The worst thing was, this man had no ideas what was right and what was wrong, or what was appropriate or what was not.

The puddle of love that created the mess in the first place had the same ripple effect on the kids. It was a one way love!

Thanks for being here!



4 comments:

  1. A very brave piece, both to experience and to write.

    I'm hoping the story doesn't get too much more depressing before it gets happier.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Nessa,

    I'm glad you come by and read my piece..

    Jeff,

    Writing is my way of expressing how I feel. If I'm to worry about how depressing or happy I should write to please others, would that give me the freedom to write or express anymore?

    ReplyDelete
  3. I like your raw thoughts, and I commenced you for being able to release those feelings. I really hope you will continue to be the writer you wish to be. As I like reading honestly.

    ReplyDelete
  4. That's a powerful memory. I look forward to your next installments.

    ReplyDelete

I promise to visit you soon! But if your profile isn't public, and if you use GOOGLE+ comment form, I won't be able to return comment!

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