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Monday, February 22, 2010

Indescribable Feelings of Anger

Every other weekend, I have the golden opportunity to be by myself and do what I want, but I also have to deal with the X. I dreaded more than words could describe!

I was wrong in my thinking that once the divorce was final then I would be free of him, body and soul. Oh, that was definitely a wishful thinking! It would never end as we have children together. No, I am very civilized toward this person that I despite with every hair on my head. Maybe because of my niceness tolerance that he still holds the upper deck of the cards.

He shows up whenever he wants, and he brings my child back whenever it suited him. I have sat endless hours at the truck stop, where the court decided for us to meet, waited for him to show to pick up my children, and waited for him to drop off the kids.

I waited through summer, winter, fall, and spring time with the buzzing of truckers around my locked car in fear. Hours on end have wasted just waiting for him even after many exchanging phone calls to meet on time! This man had no respect for me, whatsoever!

No law, no judge, no one, no divorce paper could make him behaving any differently! Not only I had to suffer through this waiting; my children suffered too! The car became our prison! The man used his power to the max!

I felt trap! I felt un-free! I felt as if I still live under his thumb! Everything is about him-around him. No, no, not felt, but is, still am living my life in his mercy. Will there ever be fairness in this world? Forget about taking him to court! I don't have money! He is friend with all the judges and lawyers in his area where our divorce took place.

Are you kidding? And then what about the kids? What should I do to spare the pain for the kids? How far can I take without putting the children in the middle? So I shut up, and take it! Just shut off and tolerate it! After many fights back and forth, I decided the best thing to do was to just let it goes, swallowed whatever this man decided to pull.

The years went on, and 10 moons later, I'm still here taking this undesirable treatment...

Thanks for being here!


  1. How frustrated, furious, and powerless you must feel. I don't blame you. Good thing you got this man out of your life as much as you could. I know it's not as much as you would like, but a pat on the back to you for doing all you could. What a creep.

  2. Some guys just really are assholes. pardon the colorful language, but seriously, what an asshole!

    No respect, bullshit behavior like that is such an indicator to his core shitty personality.

    I'm sorry that week in and week out, he reminds you of the person you married...and rightfully so...DIVORCED!

    Try and keep your chin up....eventually the kids can drive them selves there and back and you won't be at the truck stop waiting anymore.


  3. Divorce sucks plain and simple!~ Obviously it was something you had to he sounds controlling, etc, etc.....but you and the kids have to do what you have to do. My Parents divorced too...all I can tell you, is it is never easy on the kids...but as long as he shows them love and security, that is all you can ask for at this point. SOmeday the kids will be grown and off to college, making their own choices...if he doesn't play his cards right, he not only lost a good woman, he will lose them too!!~

  4. It isn't fair, is it. He's still punishing you for the divorce. However, you have taken the high road and your children, if they haven't already, will recognize that and love you all the more for being such a saint. God bless.

  5. I'm no expert- oh wait yes I am. These are things you have to do in order to be healthy for your children.
    1. You have to shrug off his idiot ways. You must. You have to force hurtful thoughts out of your mind. They eat at you- not him.
    2. You must never let him see you that you are bothered by him. If he's late so what. He wins if he sees you are bugged. He wins.
    3. You must accept that you loved him once and he is a part of your children. And the greatest gift to give your children is to keep a measure of love for him. This is the hardest - I think.
    4. Your best revenge on him is to live a good life - a better life than when you were with him.

    You are too important to those you love to be injured for life.



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