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Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Saying Good-Bye Is Getting Easier

This past weekend I said good bye to two more people: my mom and my daughter! The house is now extremely quiet, and life has been back to normal. My mom went back to her home, and my daughter went back to school.

I search for my feelings, and still haven't figure out why I am not sad, or missing these people that are related to me. Their blood runs in my blood! At one time, I love these people with all my heart, and I had missed them terribly if I were away.

I know that I still love them, but that intense love of "I can't live without you" isn't there anymore. The relationship has changed and is mature over times. I don't have lot of free moments to think about them as I used to.

Saying good bye to the people I love, has become easier! I have gotten used to it, and it is habitual in my mind. I found myself advising others as saying, "You'll get used to it!" Life doesn't stop, so I can't stop and dwell on this thinking.

I am working my way back to have feelings. It is not a negative thing, but rather a positive way of acknowledging my human emotions. I can't tell the people I know how I really feel, because I wear a different mask. I act and pretend everything is fine and dandy. Everyone thinks that it is all peachy for me, or how great I have handled my situation.

Maybe I have split personalities! I think we all have split personalities. We act differently with each different people that we have encountered. To some close friends and relatives, we show them who we really are, but to others, we put on what we want them to think of us. How do you see it?

Thanks for being here!


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