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Friday, January 1, 2010

Raw Thoughts and Feelings

It is the first day of a New Year, but I am sitting here alone, and writing in my blog. If you want to know, I have three kids. Two are already out of the house, and one small child left to raise. They have gone with their father after a fight broke out between my oldest boy and me!

Darn it, I was in rage and stormed out of the house! I don't care if they go to see their dad, in fact I encourage them to spend time with him. What I don't like is my children asked my niece and nephew to come along.


So what wrong with that, you ask? There are many things wrong with this whole picture.

  1. I'm divorced for almost 10 years, and I have never set foot back in his house
  2. He comes to my house whenever he wants, and walks right in without even a knock
  3. He asks to join my family's events as if he still is a part of my life
  4. He drops off and picks up my boy at his own convenient, not at a time set by the court
  5. He believes that his child support pays for everything I owe so no need to respect me or my property
I am tired of fighting, so I shut down and let him do whatever/whenever/however he wants for the last 10 years. This morning though, something triggers inside of me after he called the youngest boy and said he's coming over.

I feel as if I have lost control of my life with him for the children's sake! But how much is enough, and how much is too much? Why am I still felt like I have to accommodate him, endure him, and take all of these agonies?


On top of these RAW feelings, the oldest boy asked his cousins, my own niece and nephew, to spend the day with his dad also. Why? Why can't I cut the X out of my relatives' lives? Why do people think that it's all right? Do I matter? What about my feelings? Does anyone care?

I have nothing to do with the X side of the family, but he has all the rights to mine? Fair? Justice? What? I don't want to deal with this anymore! I don't want to take this again, not in another New Year. I just want to have a life free from this invisible rope around my neck!

Anyone out there reading this? Talk to me, and share these raw thoughts and feelings with me!!

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1 comment:

  1. It does sound awfully one sided and seems to come part and parcel with divorce if there are children involved. I do wonder how much do they think their piddly child support pays!!?? My first husband did not pay one cent for three children and the last one is fighting me tooth and nail to get out of his. They consider us to be the weaker sex, but I see us remarkably stronger than the male gender. They could not put up with a fraction of the bull we do!!

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