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Monday, January 4, 2010

Dealing With the Emotional Turmoil Inside

My oldest boy went back to his home yesterday, and there is a hole in my heart. To cope with this empty feeling, I kept myself busy! Hey, what else can I do? I carried out my responsibilities and duties as if I, myself, just a shadow! It is an awful feeling when I'm walking in the beats of life, but not know for sure if that what I suppose to do.

Numb! I tell you! Have I blocked out my feelings so well that now I'm not capable of knowing how I should feel anymore? If it is, it is very sad indeed! I went through the house, thinking that my son was not here these last four days. What the heck was that? Yes, well, his bedroom is closed, so my pretending game can continue.

I don't know how many people out there share these feelings with me, and I don't know if anyone even wants to confront their thoughts and feelings in this manner as mine, but I know I want to write. Maybe there is a comfort in writing out loud this emotional turmoils. After all, this blog is created for this purpose.

I won't get too many readers/viewers/followers on this RAW thoughts and feelings, but I am fine with the choice I've made. I am already over 50, and if I don't do what I want, when then? My time is now!

Thanks for being here!


  1. Mumsy thanks for stopping by my Blog. Though many of the posts you write are raw, they are eloquent, heartfelt and bravely transparent.

    You are not alone, numbness is often a protective measure to guard the Heart and sanity... I've done it at times... when feeling can be particularly painful and Life issues beyond our control press us above measure and beyond strength. Those are the times that I'm mostly up by Faith and know that at least it will hold.

    Blessings and may the Mother's Ache in your Heart and Spirit be comforted and soothed.

    I'm well over 50 now too and have decided it IS time for us to allow our time to come!!! If you are like most older Women you have lived life most sacrificially before now... and if not NOW *your time*, it could be never... *Older Woman rebellion welling up! LOL*

    A big Bohemian Hug... Dawn... The Bohemian

  2. I think you would be surprised just how many people to feel the same way, maybe not for the same reasons, but I believe there are a lot of us out there but nobody likes to say it out loud or express it in the way you are. I think you're very brave to be doing this, you may one day find yourself inundated with women feeling those same feelings.

    I'm coming up to 50 and don't know what I want out of life and can't make any sense of it all, maybe writing my feelings down like you do could help, but then they may cart me away too!

    Big hug to you



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