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Thursday, December 30, 2010

Beautiful Sky for a New Year


It will be a wonderful New Year, I knew it! I felt it! Just look at the beautiful colors in the sky and you will see what I meant.

I started this blog around this time, last year! So it's actually my "blogversary", if there is such a word, and survived! Thank you everyone for your constant support, comfort, and visit!


Wishing all a wonderful, and fantastic New Year!

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Thanks for being here!

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Counting Down

We had a busy, busy week around here!  Our Christmas started as soon as my mother arrived from out of state! There were many meals to cook, and companies to entertain, plus constant cleaning.

It was hectic, but it is also our tradition and custom. We had fun whenever we can, playing board games, speed scrabble, and of course, XBox.  Then right after Christmas mass, my mother was ill with fever and chill. To top it all of, two of my kids got sick also the day after.


As soon as the first round of sickness calmed down; the second round of flu/cold began! I could pull my hair out, but worry about being bald! With this rate, I am afraid this sickness will keep passing around for a while in our house, until everyone gets well at the same time!

Well, we still have a few days left before the New Year, so let just hope that I'm strong enough to escape this wrath of winter!

Thanks for being here!

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Alphabe-Thursday, Christmas Blessings


May your house fills with laughter
May your heart experiences love
And your life enriches with memories
To celebrate the joy of Christmas spirit!


Have a Bless Holiday!

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Thanks for being here!

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Red Flowers for Tuesday


The imagination exercises a powerful influence over every act of sense, thought, reason,
-- over every idea.
Latin Proverb

 

Solitude is as needful to the imagination as society is wholesome for the character.
James Russel Lowell






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Friday, December 17, 2010

Dreamy Colors Christmas Cactus Flowers



What growing now is Christmas cactus flowers, in many different colors such as this very pale pink, white, and deep red in the green houses.  I find them difficult to photograph, or find a right angle to capture its beauty.


After fussing for a long time, I came home with only three decent shots!  I love the touch of pink tone in this particular one.  It is baby pink color!


Take time out to smell the flowers from your holiday busy schedule!  It will definitely slow you down and gives you some relaxing moments.





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Wednesday, December 15, 2010

L Is For Loneliness

Lonely or loneliness is a close friend of mine for the past 10 years, and I'm not a bit sad about it.  I've learned to treasure my alone moments, without thinking about it.  I've managed to experience the "empty nest syndrome" when my two older children move away, and still carried on my responsibilities with a younger child at home.

It was not easy at first when all I see around me are happy couples, and "whole" families. My little son too, was also sad to see his friends have both mom and dad at special events.  It took a while and after many unpleasant experiences for us to find our marks.


We are happier now just to show up at any event without feeling out of place.  In fact, it is more peaceful and less stress without the added factor of the X.  Once in a while, I do feel as if I need a man's presence to take on some responsibilities of life, since I'm so tired of doing it on my own all the time, but that thought quickly passed as soon as I heard the X's voice.

My older children told me to go on date, and my friend told me to find companionship.  However, when it comes down to it, as far as I can see, it is all pain and ache, and that thought scares me, paralyze me more than being alone, or feeling lonely.  I choose to be alone rather than dealing with that aspect of unpleasantness.


Long ago, I didn't think it is possible to be alone and happy.  Now I know better! When I come across abused women who said they can't be alone, I feel sorry for them because they haven't reached the point of respecting themselves just yet.  It is not that bad to be alone, or maybe something is wrong with me?

I do though, still have hope that one day loves would find me and I can feel it with all the glory that love was meant to be.  For now, I'm settled with being alone, with peace, and with contentment.

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Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Like Water On the Duck's Back

Whew...another week is over, and we are in for the shock of our first winter storm.  Schools were closing for the second day on a roll, and the temperature is only 8 degrees, still dropping like a hot pancake with strong wind!

My little boy's birthday went well, and he was a happy 12 years old! I ended up paying for the expenses of pizza and bowling but it was worth it.  The X chose to forgo his weekend with his son since he could not bring his "bedmate" to the party.  That to me, said a lot about this man's character, priority, and choices.


Usually, we don't celebrate birthdays of the kids together, unless the date fell in the X's court ordered time.  Since my little boy lives with me and all his school and sport friends live here, we always had his birthday where he lives.  Once in a blue moon, the X would pay for the expense of the birthday cake, but nothing else.

I really don't care for his being there or paying for anything.  If I could pull it together, I would.  Less headache! Less trouble! If I don't have to talk or deal with him, it's all worth it for me!  However, he is brain damaged and couldn't just be happy with his new found toy himself.  He forces everyone to welcome his "bedmate", and love her as though she is our "bedmate".


Now, I consider myself a very civilize person by meeting her, gave them my congratulation, and wished them both of luck, happiness, long lasting relationship, etc...All I've asked from her is not to tag along, and respect my son special time with his dad.  That would be only 2 days out of every 14 days, and she can have him for herself 12 consecutive days without any interference from us. 

She told me she understood, she doesn't want to be a mom, and she would also stop asking my son for hugs and kisses after I confronted her with this behavior.  I gave no indication that she could invade my personal space or share my children's events with me, as I won't force myself into their private celebration with my children. 

It seemed as if after spending two hours with the X and his bedmate, my effort was just useless, and it just rolled down the duck's back.

Thanks for being here!

Friday, December 10, 2010

Gorgeous Pink Mums

Baby Pink Mum

Along with the red mums, these beautiful pink ones stood out for me to snap till my heart content!  Actually, until a store employee came to tell me that I can't take pictures inside the store anymore.

Macro of Mum

I told her I'm not hurting anyone, or taking anyone picture, but she went and get the department manager.  He then told me the same!  A couple of stiff-necks that kill Christmas spirit!

Side By Side

So I gave in and walked away thinking that I had enough photos already anyway!  It was time for me to get back on task, and thinking about what to buy as presents for my family. 

Thanks for being here!

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

K Is For Karma

Do you believe in karma? True to be told, most of the times I don't.  It is so hard for me to hold on to my sanity at the moment, since it seems as if the universe is playing some kinds of a game with me.  I think because I was a victim as a child, and as a married woman, I now couldn't tolerate the thought that someone has a right over my life.

To the best of my ability and knowledge, I make a conscientious decision to be a good person.  I don't create troubles for others.  I help whoever or whatever that I can.  I volunteer to tutor Math for elementary children.  I work my butt off to provide a home for my children.  I pay for all the extra expenses that their father failed to provide.


Well, I see myself as a good person, but bad things always seem to find its way to turn my life up-side-down when I definitely know that I deserve a break.  Now the people who, to me, do bad things all the time, but always seem to get the better ends is just simply not fair.  These people are showered with luck in love, and in life.  That left me wondering:  how is that possible if there is karma?

It is just like the rich get richer, and the poor get poorer!  Is that how karma works too?  I've given myself to depletion.  I've placed my life in God's hand.  I've asked just for a little bit of peace, and a less bumpier road to travel, but all I get is more obstacles.


Maybe I did something wrong my past life so now I have to pay back.  Maybe I am just one of those people that were meant to scrape the earth.  Whatever, I'm tired!  I don't want to pray for mercy anymore.  I don't want to believe there is a better world for me after I'm gone, when this world just disses out craps for me to clean up!

I just want to know if there is such thing as karma, and have you experienced it or seen it.  I want to touch it and say: give me good karma, won't you?

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Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Plain and Simple

The worst thing after I wrote a post pouring my heart out, and thought that I've conveyed my feelings clearly, was that people took it into some new direction that I've not dreamed off.  At times, it made me look at a new perspective, but at times, it just angered me more than the situation itself.

I guess I've failed in expressing my opinions, and I've somehow misled my readers into thinking that I want to win over a certain circumstance.  No, I don't want to win!  I just want fairness and justiceI just want people to stop stepping on me and think they have a right to it!  That's all!


If you failed to see that, than I have failed in my writing and my ability to express.  I don't have an outlet where I could communicate my feelings, so I have this blog to do my best, hoping someone could understand how I feel about things, or sharing the same situation as I am.

As Raw as my blog has been, there are still things that I can't say out loud here!  It would cause an uproar if I could just bring myself to "spit it out".  I haven't found a way to tactfully addressing it yet, but one day I hope I would and I could do just so.  Write it as raw as I could, and stop beating around the bushes..


Back to my last post about my son's birthday, just because I asked the X to pick up the expenses this year, he thought that he had the right to bring his "current bedmate" to the party.  If my son invites this "black cloud" then I would have nothing to say about it.  It would be his choice!  However, my son is terribly uncomfortable with his dad's new toy!

In short, it's my turf!  I carve out this space after the divorce 10 years ago.  I moved 200 miles away from the X's to have my own world.  All I'm asking is to give me my space!!!!!!!

Joining Pour Your Heart Out!

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Friday, December 3, 2010

Beautiful Red Mums

Red Mums At the Market

Just so you know, these mums were at the supermarket and were not in my garden.  Everything in nature has gone into hibernation for the next few months.  Though looking forward it seems so long, but I'm sure it will zoom by if I don't think about it.

Full Bloomed Mum

Having a small point and shoot camera comes in very handy for me, because I can just snap a few pictures when I see something beautiful or interesting.  I love what my camera for what it can do and taking snapshots wherever I go.

Beautiful Mum Petals

I've been aching for a new point and shoot camera that gives me more options to play with, but haven't found one that I like, or could spare that expense yet.  Christmas shopping is taking priority at this time.  Now, tell me what camera would you recommend?





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Wednesday, December 1, 2010

J Is For Jab

The day after my sister flatly assisted her daughter in knock-out helping me, I went to see my lawyer after I dropped my son off at school.  I asked him to change the time, and he kept telling it wouldn't be a good idea.  So I sat there, quiet, as tears just rolled out of my eyes.  He asked if my family could help me, and I snapped, "I don't have any!"

Seeing how terrible I felt, he told me he would try to call the court to re-schedule, but if he couldn't then we would just bring my son with us to court, and one of his office assistants would watch over him. I walked out of his office felt like SHiTTakee!!  Literally like SHiTTakee...


A thousand thorns have pinched every inches of my being, and I wondered why for certain people a little distance, a little cost for fuel, and a little early waking up would be such a big thing, in such an important situation?

If someone asks me for help, the first thing that would cross my mind was to help them!  I wouldn't response in thinking of distance, cost, or time, or burden, but I would response if I am capable of helping. My mind couldn't calculate that fast, and naturally, my heart couldn't response in cruelty when someone was asking me for help!


I have done whatever my sister has asked me to do, big or small, I did them.  I always responded with a yes, even when I didn't like it, or when it was not convenience for me.  I couldn't say no, because we were family and family suppose to help each other out. It should have been that way, especially on the day I had to go to court.

Besides the horrid nightmare of bankruptcy, I experienced the pain of feeling so isolated and alone.  Yes, every day after that day I still faced my sister, acted like nothing happened, or that I was disgusted, hurt, and echoed her words over in my head for a long time.

Everything was dandy, and everything did.  My lawyer got the court time to change to 11:00 on the same day...

Joining Alphabe-Thursday!

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Monday, November 29, 2010

Dealing With Aggressive Black Cloud

We had a great Thanksgiving this year, because all my kid were with me.  Just to see them together was a blessing in itself, since children of divorce parents often left struggling between houses.  They also had no voice until they were old enough to make their own decision.

We ate our feast of turkey, stuffing, green bean casserole, smoked ham hock collar green, soup, and asparagus.  Even the fussiest person enjoyed the dinner without much complains.  We played speed scrabble after dinner, and just hung out.


We had two days of happiness without a care or bother, but as for life goes, it wouldn't be for long.  My littlest boy's birthday is next weekend, which fall into his dad's time, so the X texted me for the details of the event.  Since I have paid for all of my boy's soccer and basketball, I asked him to pick up the expenses.  He agreed, holy cow, and without the regular torments.

I knew he was up to something, and sure enough he bluntly tells me that he will bring his new "bedmate" to the party.  This announcement shot right into my nerve!  It is bad enough for my boy to have to deal with the dad's new toy every few weeks, now at his own birthday party too?


Ooh..I lost my cool and told the X to stop forcing this "aggressive black cloud" down our throat.  Is that really too much to ask when I all I wanted is a piece of space, my own space, without them always bug in and hang over me?  They have their world without any interference from me.  Why in the hell that I can't have mine?

It is a little boy's birthday for him and his friends, for peace's sake; not a freak show!!!

There is no situation to win or lose here if you ask me.  When they have my son to celebrate whatever, I don't insist on being there, and if you don't get it after reading this, here is the conclusion: I want my own space in my own world too!  Two hundred miles of separation is not far enough?

It makes me ill to think that these two are brainless, inconsiderate, aggressively forcing themselves into my  world, and think that they have a right to it.  They don't!!

Joining Pour Your Heart Out!
 
Thanks for being here!

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Twisted Vines


This is the vine of the wild grape that grew in my backyard.  When all the leaves were gone, I found them very interesting looking.  Each vine has its own twist and turn, just like us in life.


The twisted vines were gone now, and they were my simple pleasure.  I really agree that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder since I have shown these photos to a few friends, and they just couldn't see anything special about them.





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Friday, November 26, 2010

Blanket Flowers Still In Bloom

Vibrant Blanket Flower


I went to visit my dad's grave two days before Thanksgiving, and saw these blanket flowers still in their blooming stage, despite the weather of sheer cold, rain and wind.

Side-way Look to Blanket Flower


I couldn't believe my eyes to see such beautiful and vibrant colors stood so strong when it is near the end of November.  The plant was about 12 inches in height, but the flowers were big.

Deep Red and Yellow Blanket Blanket


It was so cold out there, and I could barely stand still for more than five minutes before heading back into the warm of my car.  It is amazing to know these flowers can survive for so long after the summer was gone.





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Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Alphabe-Thursday, Thankful

HAPPY THANKSGIVING
to
The Alphabe-Thursday bloggers


First of all, it is Alphabe-Thursday, and it's also Thanksgiving day!  What am I thankful for:
  • Jenny Mattlock for hosting this wonderful meme, of course!
  • All the Alphabe-Thursday bloggers who have visited me, followed me, read me, commented on my posts, and subscribed to me.

Secondly, although my life seems to get the short end of the stick most of the time, there are still many things I'm thankful for:
  • I still have a house to live in after the scare of foreclosure!
  • My children are safe, fed, healthy, and generally good people!
  • My car is still running
  • Friends to talk to when I'm down
  • Guardian angels when I need help
Finally and most importantly, I thank GOD for giving me my eyes to appreciate the beautiful things in this world, and for giving me my hands/fingers to type/writing!  Without these two tools, I would be very devastated!

Have a fantastic and wonderful Thanksgiving everyone!

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