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Thursday, December 31, 2009

Heart Of a Woman

Writing it out helps me see a clearer picture, and eases the pain in my heart!


--A Forbidden Love (Chapter 1)

--Love Sick (Chapter 2)

--Words Of Love (Chapter 3)

-- Christmas 1977 (Chapter 4)

-- Love Stink (Chapter 5)

--Twisted Faith (Chapter 6)

-- Poisonous Kiss (Chapter 7)

--Sharp Tongue (Chapter 8)

--As Passerby (Chapter 9)

--So We Parted (Chapter 10)

--Yours Truly (Chapter 11)

--Life Went On (Chapter 12)

--Do I Exist? (Chapter 13)

--Not Meant To Be (Chapter 14)

--Of Light And Dark (Chapter 15)

--The Last Straw (Chapter 16)

--Voices In My Head (Chapter 17)

--Reflecting Through The Year (Chapter 18)

--When All The Pieces Came Together (Chapter 19)

--Ending the Twisted Tale (Chapter 20)

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Stylish Blogger Award From Rhiannon @ From the Heart

Beautiful Blogger Award From Polly @ The 5th Sister and From JonJon @ The Passage of Life

The Versatile Blogger Award  and the SunShine Award From Susan @ Permanent Posies

Sweet Friends From Mandy @ SelfSagacity

A Clucking Great Blog From Susan @ Pieces Of Fate

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Guarded Feelings

My oldest boy came home on the bus on December 30th at 7:05 in the morning from the East Coast! My niece, my daughter and I went to the bus station down town to pick him up. For some reasons, my day was thrown off completely even though I woke up at 6:00 every day.

Now, I haven't seen him during the Holidays for two years! Before he even comes home, I've already prepared for his leaving! I don't allow myself to be happy fully because I know that I won't see him around in four days. So my RAW feelings begin.

Well, like most people in this world, I feel abandoned and neglected! I woke up one day, and two out of three children flew the coop. Swoosh, they're gone into their own world! I didn't have time to prepare, to understand, or to realize that they have grown up.

What happened? Where did the time go? Why am I suddenly all alone? They don't call me as often as they should have, and I don't call them thinking that if they don't care, I don't care! Slowly, resentments build in! Pain and ache numb my feelings.

I'm very guarded with my feelings now. I don't think about my kids. I don't miss my kids. I don't talk to them unless they want to talk. Right or wrong, I don't know. I just don't want to feel the agonies of this life's circle.

Is it normal to feel numbed and guarded? Is this where motherhood comes to an end? I know, I still have another one at home, but already I'm prepared for when he leaves home. I can't explain my feelings; I just know that I'm very numb with my thoughts..

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Hello World

The end of the year 2009 is here, and I have nothing better to do than to start a blog! The reason is I want to have a place for my authentic self, a place to air my honest opinions, and yes with a different name, so that if it is too RAW, I won't hurt anybody's feelings.

It is crazy, but I must voice how I feel, the way I feel it without suppressing it anymore! I want to have a canvas to draw on, and to write exactly how the situation or event affected me.

After all, I want to be a writer, and I am a writer with over 350 published articles, plus at least 100+ poems. I am not even close to get all my bills paid yet, but I consider myself successful as what I do. Lately, I don't feel as if I am writing because I always have to play nice, hold back how I feel, and smile...

In search for a place to bring out my soul, this blog comes into existence. I hope you will find it interesting, share a piece of my life, and leave me a comment or two.

Welcome to Raw Thoughts and Feelings!

Thanks for being here!

Mouse In The Cupboard

This is a story I wrote for my children in 1997! I have a dream of seeing it published in book form some days, but the years keep adding up, and now it is 13 years old. So I will just post it here on my blog for others to enjoy, and hopefully, one day my children will read it too.


---> Chapter 1-Part 1

---> Chapter 1-Part 2

---> Chapter 1-Part 3

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Childhood Series

This is a series into my childhood memories. What I have written here, is what I've salvaged to remember, from a very long time ago. I don't hold grudges for what happened, but I have grown from those experiences to become who I am today.

By the way, the series starts from A to Coming home, that means read from the bottom up :-)

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I write what I feel, how I feel and whatever I like at the moment


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