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Thursday, December 31, 2009

Heart Of a Woman

Writing it out helps me see a clearer picture, and eases the pain in my heart!

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--A Forbidden Love (Chapter 1)

--Love Sick (Chapter 2)

--Words Of Love (Chapter 3)

-- Christmas 1977 (Chapter 4)

-- Love Stink (Chapter 5)

--Twisted Faith (Chapter 6)

-- Poisonous Kiss (Chapter 7)

--Sharp Tongue (Chapter 8)

--As Passerby (Chapter 9)

--So We Parted (Chapter 10)

--Yours Truly (Chapter 11)

--Life Went On (Chapter 12)

--Do I Exist? (Chapter 13)

--Not Meant To Be (Chapter 14)

--Of Light And Dark (Chapter 15)

--The Last Straw (Chapter 16)

--Voices In My Head (Chapter 17)

--Reflecting Through The Year (Chapter 18)

--When All The Pieces Came Together (Chapter 19)

--Ending the Twisted Tale (Chapter 20)

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Guarded Feelings

My oldest boy came home on the bus on December 30th at 7:05 in the morning from the East Coast! My niece, my daughter and I went to the bus station down town to pick him up. For some reasons, my day was thrown off completely even though I woke up at 6:00 every day.

Now, I haven't seen him during the Holidays for two years! Before he even comes home, I've already prepared for his leaving! I don't allow myself to be happy fully because I know that I won't see him around in four days. So my RAW feelings begin.


Well, like most people in this world, I feel abandoned and neglected! I woke up one day, and two out of three children flew the coop. Swoosh, they're gone into their own world! I didn't have time to prepare, to understand, or to realize that they have grown up.

What happened? Where did the time go? Why am I suddenly all alone? They don't call me as often as they should have, and I don't call them thinking that if they don't care, I don't care! Slowly, resentments build in! Pain and ache numb my feelings.


I'm very guarded with my feelings now. I don't think about my kids. I don't miss my kids. I don't talk to them unless they want to talk. Right or wrong, I don't know. I just don't want to feel the agonies of this life's circle.

Is it normal to feel numbed and guarded? Is this where motherhood comes to an end? I know, I still have another one at home, but already I'm prepared for when he leaves home. I can't explain my feelings; I just know that I'm very numb with my thoughts..

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Hello World

The end of the year 2009 is here, and I have nothing better to do than to start a blog! The reason is I want to have a place for my authentic self, a place to air my honest opinions, and yes with a different name, so that if it is too RAW, I won't hurt anybody's feelings.


It is crazy, but I must voice how I feel, the way I feel it without suppressing it anymore! I want to have a canvas to draw on, and to write exactly how the situation or event affected me.

After all, I want to be a writer, and I am a writer with over 350 published articles, plus at least 100+ poems. I am not even close to get all my bills paid yet, but I consider myself successful as what I do. Lately, I don't feel as if I am writing because I always have to play nice, hold back how I feel, and smile...

In search for a place to bring out my soul, this blog comes into existence. I hope you will find it interesting, share a piece of my life, and leave me a comment or two.

Welcome to Raw Thoughts and Feelings!

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Mouse In The Cupboard

This is a story I wrote for my children in 1997! I have a dream of seeing it published in book form some days, but the years keep adding up, and now it is 13 years old. So I will just post it here on my blog for others to enjoy, and hopefully, one day my children will read it too.

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---> Chapter 1-Part 1

---> Chapter 1-Part 2

---> Chapter 1-Part 3


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Childhood Series

This is a series into my childhood memories. What I have written here, is what I've salvaged to remember, from a very long time ago. I don't hold grudges for what happened, but I have grown from those experiences to become who I am today.

By the way, the series starts from A to Coming home, that means read from the bottom up :-)


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Disclosure

This blog is a personal blog written and edited by me. This blog accepts forms of cash advertising, sponsorship, paid insertions or other forms of compensation.

The compensation received will never influence the content, topics or posts made in this blog. All advertising is in the form of advertisements generated by a third party ad network. When asked to disclose, those advertisements will be identified as paid advertisements, otherwise it will not.

The owner(s) of this blog is compensated to provide opinion on products, services, websites and various other topics. Even though the owner(s) of this blog receives compensation for the posts or advertisements, he/she always gives honest opinions, findings, beliefs, or experiences on those topics or products. The views and opinions expressed on this blog are purely the bloggers' own. Any product claim, statistic, quote or other representation about a product or service should be verified with the manufacturer, provider or party in question.

This blog does contain content which might present a conflict of interest. This content may not always be identified.


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